Unofficial WordPress ‘Never Been Freshly Pressed’ Club

~ Amusives

So You’ve Never Been Freshly Pressed! Then it is your lucky day, because you qualify for membership in the NBFP Club.  Yes, there are other bloggers just like you who have chosen WordPress.com but WordPress.com hasn’t chosen you… or them…

By my estimation, (and by virtue of my self appointed rank of President of NBFP I am authorized to do estimates) 99.9986% of WordPress bloggers have not, and never will be Freshly Pressed. Don’t ask me how I came to that conclusion. It is advanced math and like WordPress, I am not at liberty to tell you how and why I do what I do. Rest assured, however, that no matter how many of your fellow bloggers get Freshly Pressed and no matter how many of your fellow Bloggers are Freshly Pressed on numerous occasions, they still are a very small minority. There are, you see,  nearly 40 million new posts each and every month for WordPress to choose from!

I’m sure you are as excited about the NBFP Club as I am. You already know the benefits of Never Being Freshly Pressed, but let me itemize them for you (this is why I am President – I am organized too):

  • no long lines of strangers hanging about your blog hoping to cash in on your fame
  • no feelings of inadequacy if you don’t get Freshly Pressed again
  • no depression when your site stats slip back to normal
  • no need to live up to your past fame

Of course, the NBFP Club will be more than just a virtual reality. I’ve found us a clubhouse.

street scene

I know it doesn’t look all that good right now…

street buildings

But my contractors assure me that with just a few renovations, this is what our place could look like. I think the restaurant and patio will be wonderful!

Since the inauguration of our club, we’ve rounded up a few bloggers who are eager to serve on our Board. The good thing about our Club is that anyone can be on the Board simply by volunteering to fill a position that they invent. How cool is that!

UPDATE:  It is with extreme sadness that I announce I was Freshly Pressed on July 9, 2013. I therefore announce my resignation as President, though I will still retain my title of Founder and First President.

Our New President is Al at the cvillean . Previous to this, Al was our very capable Treasurer. If you would like to join the NBFP Club, head over to his blog.

Farewell all and Happy Blogging!

63 thoughts on “Unofficial WordPress ‘Never Been Freshly Pressed’ Club”

  1. I was just thinking I jinxed myself by attempting to join your club…within days a post I had written primarily for my sons was chosen for FP. I would never have imagined THAT post would be the one. Since then I have been busy replying to comments from virtual (see what I did there?) strangers…not everyone who comments on a FP’d post is looking for traffic to their blog, however, so many of mine were genuinely touched by the post about a dream I had about my long deceased mother.

    I am saddened that I won’t be able to join your club – but will keep an eye on the activities. Who knows? Maybe this will be the one for you, Margie?

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    1. I’m sure everyone who is FP connects with new readers who become valuable followers and commenters. Really, that is what FP is all about, isn’t it!?

      Perhaps our club will have to have an alumni list.

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      1. That would be great!! I have picked up some followers, and the commenters left a great many sincere and thoughtful comments. Connecting with others is what it is all about. It remains to be seen how many will be in it for the long haul…they may be disappointed by any further offerings because that post was pretty atypical of my usual stuff.

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        1. Has Katy had to go through the ceremony where you rip off her medals and epaulets before you show her the door?

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          1. Oh, the inhumanity of that was devastating…I was led kicking and screaming to the door and unceremoniously kicked to the curb.

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  2. This is awesome. Our group needed a leader with that “take charge” persona! And the clubhouse is perfect. I think we should call it the “Pink House”. And pledge to our members that tours will never, ever be cancelled due to lack of funds.

    And though my duties as treasurer will take up much of my time, I’d also like to volunteer to be Margie’s campaign manager for a possible run for President in 2016. I know, a Canadian citizen is ineligible, but I think her time spent in Arizona qualifies her for dual citizenship. This country needs a “git ‘er done” type leader! I’ve already come up with a campaign slogan ; “To hell with Hillary in 2016”!

    Again, campaign contributions can be sent directly to my paypal account.

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    1. Why Al, I’m overwhelmed by your support!
      We have a political party here in Canada called the Rhinoceros Party. Their membership declares that the rhinoceros is an appropriate symbol for a political party since politicians, by nature, are “thick-skinned, slow-moving, dim-witted, can move fast as hell when in danger, and have large, hairy horns growing out of the middle of their faces.”
      You don’t seem to have interesting parties like that in America.
      When your campaign contributions (again, I’m thinking the currency should be dark chocolate) reach a suitable amount (six or seven tons seems like enough) let me know, and we’ll talk campaign strategy.

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  3. Haha, this is a fun idea 🙂 I’m already in the club as I’ve never been freshly pressed.
    I’ll never be freshly pressed either, because in order to get freshly pressed you need to be politically correct and write so that you won’t step on any sore toes (when it comes to subject, language, swearing etc)…

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    1. I’ll add your name to the list above, and welcome!
      The Freshly Pressed editor/editors have been much more liberal as of late – they have chosen at least two bloggers who use language that is peppered with words I wouldn’t want my grandchildren to read.

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  4. I applaud your efforts, Margie. But let me give you a piece of advice: watch Al very closely. Things (and by “things” I mean “Al”) are not as they seem. The man is retired and has Princess Bella to cater to now. She demands much of his resources, which may involved your club’s resources should he become Treasurer. And he’ll have a great cover story for it, believe you me! 😉

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    1. You are saying Al might ‘cook the books’? Hey Al – if you are doing any cooking with our currency, I’d like brownies!

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  5. Glad to be part of the club. Perhaps I can head up the Passive Aggressiveness Committee. We can be in charge of coming up with things to say like, “I wouldn’t want the extra attention or followers. It would just distract me from writing for my TRUE readers.”

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    1. I understand that one form of Passive Aggressive Behaviour is procrastination – on that basis, I think your committee will be one that most of us can relate to from time to time!

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  6. LOL! I want to join the club too! And I do believe I’d qualify for a lifetime membership, but sadly, my blog isn’t on WordPress. ~sigh~

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    1. If your blog isn’t on Word Press then you should qualify automatically because you’ll NEVER be Freshly Pressed! Demand your rights, Cheryl!

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    2. I’ll check the bylaws (when they get written) – but I believe they will NOT restrict membership to WordPress bloggers only. The only qualification is that you have not been Freshly Pressed. I’d say (and as President of the Club I carry a lot of weight – but if I quit eating so much chocolate it would likely be less weight) that you are definitely a member!

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  7. Are you sure we “Freshly Pressed” bloggers can’t join your wonderful club? What if we promise to never be FP again and if that unthinkable ever did happen we will donate all the money that being FP bestows on us to the coffers of the NBFP to be spent on anything the lofty president wants? No? Well then, I didn’t want to join your stinky club anyway…I may form my own club and then you’ll be sorry–the “Been Freshly Pressed But It Will Never Happen Again” club; I’m sure that with a bit of PR I could rustle up quite a few members who would be happy to pay the lifetime membership fee of undying devotion to their el presidente (me, of course)…maybe we could rent a room from you in that gorgeous clubhouse you have–and if not, I think I still remember how to build a treehouse…so we’ll be fine, thank you for asking.

    Great idea, Margie! Can we still be friends even if we’re not in the same club? I hope so.
    Sincerely,
    BFPBIWNHA President Sylvia

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    1. I think another club is an excellent idea, Sylvia. I’m sure our clubhouse will have oodles of space to share with you. The rent will be minimal, paid in dark chocolate, of course.
      In the meantime, I’ll put you on our alumni list – once a blogging friend, always a blogging friend!

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      1. At ease, Gatekeeper. I’ve sublet a few of our offices – I need to finance the swimming pool without raising member fees.

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  8. Hello fellow NBFP club members – it is nice to meet you all, and I am so glad to be part of the start of something great. I wish I had artistic skills which I could use to design a lovely logo, but sadly I am rather failing in that department, however I can offer enthusiasm for the designs which others come up with.
    Perhaps I could hold the post of Master of Indecision (or similar) and procrastinate at length over the pros and cons of anything that requires a decision to be made – particularly when a quick decision is needed! 😉

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  9. Oh thank you for mentioning me…. does that make me a Charter Member??? I would really like to be the Gatekeeper….. (a throwback to my Grange membership) I would absolutely make sure no Freshly Pressed bloggers could ever enter our clubhouse. Because you know as soon as they all find out about us, they are gonna want to infiltrate our ranks. I will say cool things like “Halt! Who goes there?”

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    1. A Charter Member – well I suppose so, since you were one of the first.
      Gatekeeper sounds a lot like Sergeant at Arms which is what k8edid wanted to be, but she got Freshly Pressed a few days ago.
      I see you have already been patrolling – keep up the good work!

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  10. Ahh, great idea. Can I PLEASE be the member in charge of space weather. I promise to dutifully report incoming solar activity, with at least a 24 hour heads up when even the slightest chance our computers might go down. 🙂
    As to what post I would like to be FD’d, if ever the pressers noticed me….that’s a hard one, so I’m picking more than one.

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    1. Space Weather – sounds like a real challenge. I’m sure the membership will appreciate your alerts.

      Thanks for choosing your favourite posts. If the FP editors ever visit us, we will have a list of excellent stories to choose from.

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  11. Maybe we need to collaborate on a new blog altogether in which we losers post our most loser-ly posts. Grand, overdone and pitiful, we would simply call it “Wrinkled Words: Not Good Enough for Freshly Pressed.”

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    1. This is a very excellent idea! If you, or any of the membership, decide to do this, I have a few ‘dogs’ I could donate.

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  12. Wow and wow. (Without an exclamation mark because I don’t want to endulge in overkill)(much).
    As for a position on the board. I think I’ll be the teapot.

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    1. Thanks so much! I’ll add you to my Awards Page, and reciprocate in some manner some where down the line!

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  16. Yes, I love how I get Daily Posts about how to turn your blog into ‘Freshly Pressed’. It just seems like too much work. I’d love to be in this club.

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    1. Welcome to the Club, Caroline. There doesn’t seem to be a correlation between what posts are chosen and the ‘guidelines’ for how to write a post that is worthy of being Freshly Pressed.

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  17. Simply Awesome Idea! I have knocked myself out and followed all of WP hints and tricks on HOW TO BE FP… only to go unoticed. I have been blogging 2 and half years and it frustrates me to no end that some newby comes along and after only a few months has been FP with millions of followers. I have earned my followers slow and steady… so I give up the quest and blog for my readers and myself. One day it will serve as a great memory of my wild and wonderful adventures as an expat 🙂
    So my place in your club??? If you will have me of course. Hmmm how about teacher/trainer? I can show you how NOT to get FP and encourage you to write for yourself 🙂 “Don’t care about those other blogs… you only need to worry about yourself and know you are doing your best :)”

    BTW thanks for the follow over at CTB… just getting caught up now.

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    1. Yes, there are a great many of us who have come to the realization that there are the “In Bloggers” and the “Out Bloggers” and it doesn’t really matter much what we do to try to be “In”. It just isn’t going to happen. So welcome to our club – I’m sure you will be a valuable teacher/trainer.

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  18. Do you think we should host a special club night for members who become FP, through no fault of their own, to come and give us the details of what it truly feels like?

    I have no position to offer the board, I wish I did because then maybe I would be a better blogger with not just one FP but several. And we all know that happens!

    Anyway, thrilled to be in such company and if I am not sitting on my own down in the back row, nearest the door, you will find me in the kitchen washing the dishes.

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    1. You are right, bloggers who get FP don’t have the option to refuse. There are told after the fact (at least, that is what many of them say.)
      I too am curious about what it is really like to be FP!

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    1. Yes, I think it is. I’ll get busy on an agenda, find a meeting place, and let everyone know about it!

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  20. Hi Margie, I’ve really enjoyed reading your posts, I think you’re a great writer and I had a good laugh at this, it is very funny. Its lovely to have found your blog and I feel so at home here, I am delighted I will be able to get to know you better and thank you so much for following my blog. Speak soon and my best regards to you, James 🙂

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    1. Thanks James. I’m glad I found your blog too. I lived in the UK (south of London) for two years, and though we didn’t visit the Fylde Coast area, we spent a wonderful week in the Lake District. I like to follow blogs that remind me of what a wonderful country you live in.

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      1. Thanks Margie, yes, I too think the Lake District is beautiful. I’ve spent a lot of time climbing there in the past, along with exploring the highlands of Scotland. Both are breathtaking. In fact, now I have an urge to go again and capture some of that beauty as I have a better camera and do fancy pushing myself a bit. Cheers Margie, regards James 🙂

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  22. I’ve called your local dry cleaners and explained the situation. They said they’d be happy to accommodate you. They’re waiting for you now. Oh– starch or no starch? : P

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  23. Yay, I get to be an alumni! I got pressed but I’m still just as annoyed by WordPress because others haven’t and they keep giving the FP to the same people again and again! I mean, really, does someone need it five or six times? Doesn’t it get old after a while? Oh, there it is again whatevs. I kind of wonder if they’re pressing some people here to prevent a rebellion. We can see you Big Brother, er, WordPress!

    When you get pressed, you don’t even get a clubhouse, just a dumb sticker. You guys rock. 😀

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  24. I solemnly declare that have never been freshly pressed, nor do I see myself achieving that status in the years to come. Therefore I do qualify for a position in the club. I have thought about so many possible designations and settled with the membership of the “Stationary Wandering Committee”. I belong to one place and have been to no other place, mentally.

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