Religion and Spirituality Quotations

A country church – people wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were trout or northern pike.
– Author Unknown –

A country church – the only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can’t leave them a bag of squash.
– Author Unknown –

And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then He made the earth round… and laughed and laughed and laughed.
– –

Anyone who knows history, particularly the history of Europe, will, I think, recognize that the domination of education or of government by any one particular religious faith is never a happy arrangement for the people.
– Eleanor Roosevelt –

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic who always wondered if there really was a dog?
– Author Unknown –

Even if you don’t believe a word of the Bible, you’ve got to respect the person who typed all that.
– Lotus Weinstock –

For when the One Great Scorer comes to mark against your name,
He writes – not that you won or lost – but how you played the Game.
– Grantland Rice 1880-1954 –

God be between you and harm in all the empty places you may walk.
– Author Unknown –

God is not dead, but alive and well and working on a much less ambitious project.
– Author Unknown –

Going to Church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
– Billy Sunday –

Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and it’s all organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, the police are German and it’s all organized by the Italians.
– Author Unknown –

“How can you have sundown prayers if the sun doesn’t go down?” I wonder.
“We looked to the Holy Koran for guidance on this matter,” Eman says, “We are going by Edmonton time.”
– Allen Abel, on visiting the Arctic –

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.
– Woody Allen –

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.
– Stephen Roberts –

I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.
– Mark Twain –

If anyone needs an ark, I happen to Noah guy.
– Author Unknown –

I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much.
– Mother Teresa –

Imagine the results if more people accepted their religion as the best faith for them, but at the same time recognized that there are other religions which teach about other deities, other systems of morality, other religious practices, etc.
– Source: Religious –

Man cannot make a worm, yet he will make gods by the dozen.
– Michel Eyquem de Montaigne –

Man was made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.
– Mark Twain –

Religion is a great force – the only real motive force in the world. But you must get at a man through his own religion – not yours.
– George Bernard Shaw –

The bible tells us to love our neighbours, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.
– G.K. Chesterton –

The biblical account of Noah’s Ark and the Flood is perhaps the most implausible story for fundamentalists to defend. Where, for example, while loading his ark, did Noah find penguins and polar bears in Palestine?
– Judith Hayes –

Well, I certainly don’t believe God’s a woman, because if He were, men would be the ones walking around wearing high heels, taking Midol, and having their upper lips waxed.
– Dixie Carter –

What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive.
– Irv Kupcinet –

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, ‘Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe?’
– Quentin Crisp –

When the conversation turned to religion, the king assured Twain that the natives understood the true meaning of the Christian sacrament. “We understand Christianity,” said the king. “We have eaten the missionaries.”
– King of the Sandwich Islands –

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