Housework Quotations

The QuipperyA messy house is a happy home! Bullshit. How many smiling kids have your seen on Hoarders?
1. Log off Facebook
2. Clean your house.
– rottencards –

Based on the amount of laundry I do each week, I’m going to assume there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.
– Author Unknown –

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
– Phyllis Diller –

Don’t refluff the guest towels – just admit that you used them.
– Dee Ann Stewart – Secrets to a Simpler Life –

Do not take the chill off the room by turning the iron to the cotton setting.
– Erma Bombeck –

Due to circumstances beyond our control, our butler and maid have resigned. Your cooperation in helping to keep this place clean will be greatly appreciated.
– Author Unknown –

Every woman’s dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed… and clean the whole house while she sleeps.
– –

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom.
– Mark Twain –

Have you ever taken anything out of the clothes basket because it had become, relatively, the cleaner thing?
– Katherine Whitehorn –

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop offs at tedium and counter productivity.
– Erma Bombeck –

Housework never killed anyone, but why take the chance.
– Author Unknown –

Keeping house is like threading beads on a string with no knot at the end.
– Author Unknown –

I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.
– –

I hate 4 letter words… diet – dust – cook – wash – iron.
– Author Unknown –

I have discovered the secret to a clean house: never let our children or husband enter it.
– Author Unknown –

…I have to go home and get a few things done. If I don’t get out the Pledge soon, the dust bunnies are going to be leaving tracks on my furniture…
– Carla Foft, Addressing Spirits –

I love those 17 seconds when the laundry is all caught up!
– Author Unknown –

I’m eighteen years behind on my ironing. No use doing it now – it doesn’t fit anyone I know.
– Phyllis Diller –

I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
– Roseanne Barr –

I’m not the least bit domestic, and I don’t care. We have a ring around the tub you could set a drink on.
– Phyllis Diller –

Instead of organizing and cleaning my house, I pin ideas on how to organize and clean my house. The irony is not lost on me.
– Unknown Pinterest User –

I understand the concept of cooking and cleaning – just not as it applies to me.
– Author Unknown –

Life is full of choices: remove your shoes or mop the floor.
– Author Unknown –

My ex used to have this fantasy about me cleaning the house in a sexy French Maid outfit. Actually, the fantasy was just the part about me cleaning the house.
– Maxine –

My housekeeping style is best described as ‘there appears to have been a struggle’.
– the Print Orchard –

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
– Erma Bombeck –

My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself!
– Maxine –

My kitchen was clean last week. Sorry you missed it.
-Author Unknown –

My neighbor asked if she could use my vacuum cleaner. I said, “Sure, as long as you don’t take it out of my house.”
– Author Unknown –

Normal person’s weekly chore list:
1. clean kitchen.
2. clean bathroom.
3. clean entire rest of domicile.
Cleaning impaired person’s weekly chore list:
1. don’t get peanut butter on sheets.
– Dave Barry –

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
– Jerry Seinfeld –

Of all modern notions, the worst is this: that domesticity is dull. Inside the home, they say, is dead decorum and routine; outside is adventure and variety. But the truth is that the home is the only place of liberty, the only spot on earth where a man can alter arrangements suddenly, make an experiment or indulge in a whim. The home is not the one tame place in a world of adventure; it is the one wild place in a world of rules and set tasks.
– G.K. Chesterton –

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on the back of the shirt?”
He yelled back, “University of Oklahoma.”
– –

Sort tomorrow. Wash later. Fold next week. Iron never.
– Author Unknown –

There is no daily chore so trivial that it cannot be made important by skipping it two days running.
– Robert Brault –

There is one kitchen chore I don’t mind – polishing off the cookies!
– Maxine –

This spring I’m cleaning out everything. So yes – I’ll be taking a decongestant AND a laxative!
– Maxine –

Who needs Prince Charming? I just want those forest animals that clean my kitchen.
– Maxine –

You don’t get anything clean without getting something else dirty.
– Cecil Baxter –

You never know what you have until… you clean your room.
– Author Unknown –

7 thoughts on “Housework Quotations

    1. Good to hear. I sure enjoy collecting them. It is a great hobby that doesn’t take up any shelf space in my house…


  1. I particularly like the one from Mark Twain – “Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom”. Story of my life when it comes to cables for electronics!


    1. My husband says the same thing as you. He said one of these days he will sort them out and take a bunch to the electronics recycle place. He is pretty sure some of the printer cables will never be needed by us again!


      1. My husband – aka Mr Science – has his cables all labelled and hanging on a rack like keys on the inside of a cabinet door.

        Then there are mine … in a tangled mess in a drawer – ok a couple of drawers – and more than a few of those cables I have no idea what they are for but I’m reluctant to get rid of them. In other words, I think I’m normal 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This had me rolling on the floor! Can’t pick up much from a carpet, tho. I shoulda rolled around on the kitchen linoleum where it mighta done some good!! Absolutely fantastic collection, Margy– thanks from the bottom of my dusty heart!!


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