Genealogy Quotations

The Quippery

A modern mother was explaining to her little girl about pictures in the family photo album. The mother said, “This is the geneticist with your surrogate mother and here’s your sperm donor and your father’s clone. This is me holding you when you were just a frozen embryo.”
“Who is that?” asked the daughter.
“Oh,”” answered the mother, “The lady with the very troubled look on her face is your aunt. She’s the family genealogist!”
– Author Unknown –

Family trees are self-pruners… everyone dies in the end!
– Author Unknown –

Family tree? Ours is a shrub!
– The Gene Pool: JTR’s Colorful Family History –

Found a Yankee in my tree – will trade for horse thief or black sheep.
– Author Unknown –

Genealogy: an attempt to prove the theory of relativity.
– Mary Kearns Trace –

Genealogists diet: Fiche and Ships topped with tantalizing Sources.
– abaysview –

He ain’t heavy – he’s my brother’s aunt’s sister’s husband.
– Author Unknown –

If your family tree doesn’t fork? You might be a Redneck.
– Jeff Foxworthy –

I’m always late. My ancestors must have arrived on the Juneflower.
– Author Unknown –

I’m not stuck, I’m ancestrally challenged.
– abaysview –

I researched my family tree… apparently I don’t exist!
– abaysview –

I wish I could relate to the people I’m related to.
-Jeff Foxworthy –

Jeanealogy: the study of Levis and Wranglers.
– Author Unknown –

Just follow my roots. I’ll turnip somewhere!
– Author Unknown –

My ancestors must be in a witness protection program.
– The Gene Pool: JTR’s Colorful Family History –

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.
– Elayne Boosler –

“My ancestors were all famous for military genius.”
My Lady smiled graciously. “It often runs in families,” she remarked: “just as a love for pastry does.”
– Lewis Carroll –

My family tree needs more wood and less sap.
– Author Unknown –

My family coat of arms ties at the back … is that normal?
– The American-French Genealogical Soc. –

Old genealogists don’t die, they just lose their census.
– abaysview –

Remember, undocumented genealogy is mythology.
– abaysview –

The average man will bristle if you say his father was dishonest, but he will brag a little if he discovers that his great-grandfather was a pirate.
– Bern Williams –

The cat sitting at the keyboard of the computer explains to the cat watching: “So far I’ve discovered I was in a litter of eight and my mother’s name was Fluffy!”
– Cockney Ancestor #89 –

The only surname not found among the three billion in the Mormon Archives is yours.
– abaysview –

The public ceremony in which your distinguished ancestor participated when the platform collapsed turned out to be a hanging.
– abaysview –

There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his.
– Helen Keller –

The truth is out there? Anyone know the URL?
– The Gene Pool: JTR’s Colorful Family History –

We’ve uncovered some embarrassing ancestors in the not-too-distant past. Some horse thieves, and some people killed on Saturday nights. One of my relatives, unfortunately, was even in the newspaper business.
– Jimmy Carter –

Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
– Mark Twain –

You’re a Genealogist If…
You hyperventilate at the sight of an old cemetery.
You’d rather browse in a cemetery than a shopping mall.
You can pinpoint Harrietsham, Hawkhurst, Kent on a map of England, but can’t locate Topeka, Kansas.
– abaysview –