Clothing Quotations

A Guide to Self Service Shoe Shopping: 1. If they hurt like hell they’re too small. 2. If they fall off they’re too big.
– Brantano Footwear –

Although a life-long fashion dropout, I have absorbed enough by reading Harper’s Bazaar while waiting at the dentist’s to have grasped that the purpose of fashion is to make A Statement. My own modest Statement, discerned by true cognoscenti, is, “Woman Who Wears Clothes So She Won’t Be Naked.”
– Molly Ivins –

Amazing. You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes.
– Cartoon Caption –

ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
– Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary –

As long as you’re doing things for me, will you tie up your bathrobe when you walk around the house.
– Bart Simpson –

Based on the amount of laundry I do each week I’m going to assume there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.
– Author Unknown –

Classic Polo T-shirt made by Royal Classic Mills, India. Care Instructions In India: Wash care – use mild detergent – avoid beating and twisting – wash it in cold water – rinse thoroughly – iron on low temperature – dry in shade on reverse side.
– Author Unknown –

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
– Mark Twain –

Courage is no match for an unfriendly shoe.
– Roger Moore, as James Bond –

Do not shake out gym clothes as they trigger the smoke alarm. Process them immediately.
– Erma Bombeck –

Dressing up is inevitably a substitute for good ideas. It is no coincidence that technically inept business types are known as ‘suits’.
– Paul Graham –

Fashion is… whatever is clean that day.
– Author Unknown –

Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
– Author Unknown –

Gold’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
– Arthur Bloch –

Hand washables left over ten years will be sold.
– Erma Bombeck –

I base my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.
– Gilda Radner –

I could run down Rodeo Drive in the nude and get a profile, but that’s not what Canadians expect, if only for humanitarian reasons.
– Kim Campbell – Consul General to California –

I don’t know about you but I don’t want clothes hugging my body. I like to leave some doubt about where my clothes end and my body begins.
– Andy Rooney –

If a bra is called an ‘Over the shoulder bolder holder,’ then would you call men’s underwear ‘Under the butt nut hut?’
– Author Unknown –

If God meant us to be naked he would have made our skin fit better.
– Maureen Murphy –

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
– Sue Grafton –

If someone asks what team you play for, your shoulder pads may be too big.
– Dee Ann Stewart –

If you think old soldiers just fade away, try getting into your old Army uniform.
– Bits & Pieces, February 3, 2994 –

If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
– Linda Ellerbee –

I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules, Including: Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark.
– Dave Barry –

Immortal words: Know thyself- Socrates
To thine own self be true – Shakespeare
Never wash whites with colors – Mom.
– Author Unknown –

It’s my least favorite season of the year, bathing-suit season. I don’t know why we can’t all be shaped like those eighteen-year-old boys they design those suits for.
– Diane Ford –

I wasn’t really naked. I simply didn’t have any clothes on.
– Josephine Baker –

I want to know why, if men rule the world, they don’t stop wearing neckties.
– Linda Ellerbee –

My swimsuit told me to go to the gym. But my sweatpants were like, Nah girl, you’re good.
– Author Unknown –

Naked and nude mean the same thing – except that naked sounds like a surprise, while nude suggests it was done on purpose.
– Beryl Pfizer –

Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
– Fran Lebowitz –

Nobody notices it when your zipper is up, but everyone notices when it’s down.
– Cynthia Copeland Lewis –

No-pocket jeans are only slightly less irritating than thong underwear.
– Patricia Briggs, River Marked –

Normal is just a cycle on the washing machine.
– Whoopi Goldberg –

One of my correspondents has me convinced that the human race would be saved if the world became one huge nudist colony. I keep thinking how much harder it would be to carry concealed weapons.
– Cyra McFadden –

See how long you can actually wear a pair of thong underwear.
– Dee Ann Stewart –

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
– Author Unknown –

Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
– Erma Bombeck –

Thank goodness for all the things you are not,
thank goodness you’re not something someone forgot,
and left all alone in some punkerish place,
like a rusty tin coat hanger hanging in space.
– Dr. Seuss –

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
– Author Unknown –

“There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, ‘Do trousers matter?'”
“The mood will pass, sir.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Code of the Woosters –

Two mysteries solved: Socks that disappear from the dryer come back as extra Tupperware lids.
– womenafter50.com –

Very funny Scotty – now beam down my clothes.
– Author Unknown –

Watch a man fold clothes.
– Dee Ann Stewart –

Wear your underwear with the good waistband today.
– Dee Ann Stewart –

When I am an Old Man… I’ll wear black (or navy blue) socks with shorts. (This phenomenon also occurs among fathers of all ages – especially those with particularly white legs – who insist on accompanying their more easily embarrassed children to the beach.)
– Tony Dierckens, Tim Nyberg –

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
– Erma Bombeck –

With an evening coat and a white tie, anybody, even a stockbroker, can gain a reputation for being civilized.
– Oscar Wilde –

You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
– Dolly Parton –