Accepting a government grant with its accompanying rules is like marrying a girl and finding out her entire family is moving in with you before the honeymoon.
Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.
But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret.
California produces 40% of America’s fresh fruits, vegetables and nuts – the kind you eat. We have had a bumper crop of the other variety, too.
Detente – isn’t that what a farmer has with his turkey – until Thanksgiving?
Do what’s right and you’ll please some of the people and astound the rest.
Even Albert Einstein reportedly needed help on his 1040 form.
Government is not a solution to our problem, government is the problem.
Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them.
Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. If it stops moving, subsidize it.
If more government is the answer, then it was a really stupid question.
I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.
It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting.
It’s hard, when you’re up to your armpits in alligators, to remember you came here to drain the swamp.
I have learned that one of the most important rules in politics is poise – which means looking like an owl after you have behaved like a jackass.
It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?
I’ve noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born.
I want you to know that also I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent’s youth and inexperience.
I was going to have an opening statement, but I decided that what I was going to say I wanted to get a lot of attention, so I’m going to wait and leak it.
Middle age is when you’re faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by nine o’clock.
Nothing lasts longer than a temporary government program.
One way to make sure crime doesn’t pay would be to let the government run it.
People who think a tax boost will cure inflation are the same ones who believe another drink will cure a hangover.
The most terrifying words in the English language are “I’m from the government, and I’m here to help.”
The one thing our Founding Fathers could not foresee – they were farmers, professional men, businessmen giving of their time and effort to an idea that became a country – was a nation governed by professional politicians who had an interest in getting re-elected. They probably envisioned a fellow serving a couple of hitches and then eagerly looking forward to getting back to the farm.
The problem is not that people are taxed too little, the problem is that government spends too much.
There were so many candidates on the platform that there were not enough promises to go around.
We don’t have a trillion-dollar debt because we haven’t taxed enough; we have a trillion-dollar debt because we spend too much.
You can’t be for big government, big taxes and big bureaucracy and still be for the little guy.
You can tell alot about a fellow’s character by his way of eating jellybeans.