Mildly Amusing Missives #8

Naming the Moose

(see previous post Another Moose) Thanks to everyone who suggested these names: Wink, Marty and Rudy. Bruce got a thumbs up from a number of people, so I think the moose will retain the nickname (Bruce) but will have an official name that will appear on any legal documents: Martywinkrudy the 1st.

What the Dog Thinks

gooooob morning. today has infinite wondrous possibilities. i’m going back to sleep. but you should find out what they are
– Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings Nov 26 –

the small neighbor human. came over after school. to try to get me to eat their homework. while i don’t condone such behavior. i absolutely complied
– Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings Sep 17 –

From Gingerbread man to Reindeer Head

Food Department

If you have a gingerbread man cutter, then you also have a reindeer head cutter…

Who knew that the staple of any good prison meal, stale bread and cheese, could be made into high-end gourmet dining by melding the cheese and cutting the bread into cubes. (Fondue)
– Bangor Maine Police Department –

In Canada we don’t say “I love you: we say “I’m going to Timmies do you want anything?”
– Author Unknown –

Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish.
– Author Unknown –

News from Around the World

America:

What’s most frustrating is the fact that driver’s license photos are so terrible. I think it has a lot to do with the process of aging. You know, the time between actually arriving at the License Bureau, and getting called for your license?
– Daniel C Chamberlain, Author @DanCChamberlain Oct 10 –

Over the next few weeks my IQ relative to the general public is going to increase as I have blocked #impeachment. No, I do not have a “civic duty” to sacrifice valuable neurons to the opinions surrounding this process.
– Medical Axioms @medicalaxioms Nov 14 –

Kelly Campagna @warriorwoman91 Jul 22: Why are men so dense?
Ben Shapiro @benshapiro Jul 23: Higher muscle mass, greater bone density due to hormonal differences during development…

Britain:

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline. No one remembers where this tradition originated, but every year it attracts many tourists from all over the world.
– Julian Popov @julianpopov Oct 19 –

Don’t run with bagpipes. You could put an aye out or worse yet, get kilt.
– Author Unknown –

Canada:

My favourite line from the #elxn43 french language debate was Justin Truedau saying he’ll stand up to Alberta and the oil barons. Brother, you bought a $4.5bn pipeline. You ARE an oil baron.
– Dónal O’Beirne @DonoYEG Oct 11 –

An alarming court document, God v. Canada. Turns out to be an immigration appeal by a guy named Badri God. So, close one!
– Blacklock’s Reporter @mindingottawa Nov 25 –

If you spend your time on here (twitter) demonizing people who vote differently from you then I’m sorry but you’re the problem. Not them.
– Kristin Raworth @KristinRaworth Oct 3 –

 A Wise Celebrity

I’m going to my favorite Los Angeles area Hallmark store on this holiday just to see how they managed to rhyme “indigenous.”
– Pat Sajak @patsajak Oct 14 –

I don’t normally use Twitter to plug my commercial ventures, but I’m very excited about my soon-to-open clothing store chain, Forever 72.
– Pat Sajak @patsajak Oct 10 –

Other Stuff

At the bookstore:
Me: “Do yall have any books on turtles”
Cashier: “Hard back?”
Me: “Yeah, with little heads”
– wHyZgUy @_WhyzGuy_ Mar 28 –

Someone from the Gyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst Beer is normal. I didn’t even know you liked beer.
– Author Unknown –

There will only be 21 million Bitcoins.
What happens when 7.52 billion people realize that?
– Brilliant Ads @Brilliant_Ads Jun 21 –

I recently called an old Engineering buddy of mine and asked what he was working on these days. He replied that he was working on ‘Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment.” I was impressed until, upon further inquiry, I leaned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife’s supervision.
– Facebook Oldtimers –

How to keep the drapes closed in a hotel room:

Last, but not Least

The Bigfoot file has been declassified.
We think we still have the suit somewhere in storage. Fun times.
– The Mossad: Elite Parody Division @TheMossadIL Jun 7 –

15 thoughts on “Mildly Amusing Missives #8

  1. LOLOL Loved these. I must confess I sang along as I read the photo of the trailer for rent……perhaps that shows my age?
    Also laughed my fool head off at the guy wanting a book on turtles…..oh and the Gyna Colleges.
    Keep them coming Margy. Laughter is so good for the soul.

    Like

    • Yes, I sang the song too. Roger Miller – ‘King of the Road’ recorded 1964. Miller says he was driving and saw a sign on the side of a barn that read, “Trailers for sale or rent”. That was his inspiration.

      There is humour everywhere – you just need to know where to look for it! I’m sure there is a lot of it at your house!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Turtles… hard backs with little heads… 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🐢- “I resent that!”

    Too much!– now please tell me you and The Car Guy are well and healthy and virus-free and in good spirits… please!! I mean it!!

    Like

    • We are fine so far. Have decided to stay in Arizona rather than returning to Alberta as requested by our Government. Trying to stay upbeat – have found lots of humour on Social Media – which I’ve been posting on this blog!

      Liked by 1 person

There, I'm finished. Now it is your turn:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s