Thieves Steal Lumber – Mirthy Monday

Only in Canada, you say…

Royal Canadian Mounted Police News Release:

May 11, 2021; Porcupine Plain, Saskatchewan

On May 7, Porcupine Plain RCMP responded to a theft complaint in a rural area. An individual had left some posts piled on a property they planned on fencing, only to find they’d gone missing.

Officers began investigating the post-plundering, but the caper was quickly revealed when the posts were spotted in a nearby waterway.

“The stolen posts were located in a beaver dam,” explains Cst. Conrad Rickards of the Porcupine Plain RCMP Detachment. “A beaver – or beavers – helped themselves to the stash of posts and used them to help build a dam. I tried locating said beavers but they were GOA (gone on arrival).”

“None of the beavers will face charges”, he says. “Who could really blame these little bucktooth bandits, considering the price of wood these days?”

Porcupine Plain RCMP has now closed this extremely Canadian case.”

A beaver dam, containing the fence posts a beaver stole from a nearby property.

When I first saw this story I thought maybe it was a joke or satire. What were the chances that there is a Porcupine Plain RCMP detachment and that beavers ripped off a pile of fence posts!? Then I found the story repeated by some major news outlets – and then I found the Porcupine Plain RCMP report on their website. The only way this story could have been any better is if the report had been filed by the Beaverlodge Alberta Detachment.

Only in Canada – got me thinking about things I’ve said that are very Canadian:

The Car Guy got a dozen Timbits with a large double double while he was in town. (Tim Horton’s Coffee Shop donut holes and a coffee with double cream and sugar.)

The party crowd said a mickey cost about the same as a two-four last summer. (375 ml. -13 oz- bottle of liquor compared to a 24 bottle case of beer.)

I had ten loonies but no toonies in my pocket. (Our one dollar coin is a loonie, the two dollar coin is a toonie. The loonie has a depiction of a loon on it. The toonie has a Polar Bear… you would think we would call it a Bearie or a Polie…)

Daughter has been knitting up a storm – she has five touques now. (Touque or tuque is a very simple, pointed, knitted hat.)

It’s only 5 clicks to town. (A click is a kilometre.)

I’m done like dinner. (Too tired to work anymore.)


What phrases or words are unique to where you live?

For more Canadian Humour: Best Canadian Puns, Jokes and Observations
Canadian Snowbird Stories
Lighter Side of Canadian Governments
The Beery Best of Canada
Canada Thanks you Mr. Beaver

12 thoughts on “Thieves Steal Lumber – Mirthy Monday

    1. No, I didn’t see that story!
      Though I like watching beavers at work, and used to live just a mile or two from a dam, I sure wouldn’t want to have one in my ‘back yard’! We had a couple muskrats in the prairie pothole behind us a few years ago. Their dens undercut the bank on our property and made it unstable. I was glad they didn’t tunnel under the fence and start browsing in my veggie garden.

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      1. Last summer I spotted a muskrat in the huge “swale” (ditch) at the crossroads just north of us; he was eating weeds at the side of the road and scurried down the bank when I walked by. My biggest “issue” in the last 3 years has been moles. They’ve torn up most of my yard and tunneled under my gardens. They’re a real nuisance.

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  1. As a Canadian I’m sure you’ve heard of a “beaver slick.” It a greasy ointment they secrete to create a makeshift slide going down to the water. When they fell a small tree, they use the slide to easily drag that tree into the water. My Labrador retriever once rolled in one. It’s the nastiest most vile odor you can imagine. No treats for the dog that night!

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    1. No, I did not know that. Of course, the beaver isn’t uniquely Canadian either! You’ve probably had more encounters with them than I have.
      As for dogs rolling, a few winters ago a deer died in our yard. Come spring, the coyotes had spread the bones all over the place. Whenever the daughter’s dog finds one of the bones, the dog instantly drops and rolls. Fortunately, no smell.

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  2. “Clicks” is the only one on your list I recognized (my American showing…), and I think it’s only because I read it in a novel by a British author.

    Holy beavers, those dam-builders are stronger (and more determined) than I thought!

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    1. The largest beaver dam in the world is in Wood Buffalo National Park, Alberta. It took decades to build, and is now over 1/2 mile long (.8 clicks…) Now that is determination!

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  3. This was a great post. I never thought of those expressions as Canadian, but I guess you’re right. I definitely use some of them — okay — all of them.

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