Another One Bites the Dust

And the Chief of all the Appliances in the house said “Who among you feels not up to the tasks demanded of you?”

And the Washing Machine (a mere 4 years old but beginning to wonder if there was more to life than water in, water out, water in, water out) said, “I feel not so desirous of being bubbly this week. Might I take a rest?”

And the Chief said, “So be it. I shall make it so you striketh against the Tide Pod and so you shall rest for a while.”

And so it came to be.

And the Chief waited a suitable amount of time – until the human inhabitants of the abode were lulled into false security.

Then the Chief asked, “Who among you cannot face another winter of being a burning inferno?”

And the Furnace said, “I feel I am cracking up after 30 years of faithful service. Might I take a rest?” “Me too, me too”, chimed in the Air Con and the Water Heater. “We know not how much more of this we can take before we leak out vital fluids.”

And the Chief said, “So be it. I shall make it so you and everyone in the darkness of the basement are given a full and lasting retirement. You need never work again.”

And so it came to be and the humans in said abode faced a costly HVAC and Water Heater replacement that exceeded the price they got from selling ‘Wanda, the BMW’. And the Chief was pleased that it had successfully granted the wishes of the inhabitants of the basement underworld AND found a new and happy home for Wanda, which wasn’t even in the game plan!

Flush with success, and before the new inhabitants of the basement even arrived, the Chief approached the Refrigerator. “Are you tired of being cold, cold, cold while everyone else is basking in the heat of this very warm summer?”

And the Fridge, also only 4 years old and unaware of the expectations of how long a fridge will perform, said, “If I see one more bag of Sugarsnap pea pods, I think I am going to barf.”

And so the Chief caused the ice in the ice maker to melt and run onto the floor and all the cold to flee and the Fridge felt warm and cosy for the first time in, well, 4 years.

The Chief, well satisfied with what it had achieved in a mere 4 months and humming the tune ‘Another One Bites the Dust’, contemplated how long to wait before approaching the Dishwasher,  the Clothes Dryer the Deep Freezer, the Water Pump and/or the Septic Pump.

21 thoughts on “Another One Bites the Dust

  1. Great story! I fear we are on the brink of our appliances biting the dust! They have earned the right to quit. Most of them are 20 plus years old. Pat has done well to keep them operating. I keep telling him it is time to sell the house and move but he isn’t biting!


    1. Appliance repair has certainly been more difficult to find due to the disruptions from Covid! The most recent work was done very quickly though, so I think things are getting back to a new normal.
      As an aside, the fridge repair man works for a smaller company that has closed it’s office but kept a parts warehouse. The repair people all use their trucks for their office and seem quite happy with the arrangement.

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  2. Hysterical, although now you have me thinking all of my appliances are conspiring for The Great Breakdown in the not-too-distant future (you know, just after all of their warranties expire?)


  3. The TV, the TV, you forgot the TV, it’s feelings will be hurt. We find that after every winter sojourn we return home to find one appliance has died of loneliness. At present the laptop, that came with us, obviously didn’t wish to return home from the blue skies of the tropics and is sitting alone in the office displaying the blue screen of death. Is there a parallel world called ‘appliance land’?


    1. You make a good point – there is the TV, several laptops, the oven, the microwave… and on and on. In my corner of the world, appliance land (used division) is at the ‘transfer station’ waiting for the scrap metal people to pick them up!


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