This, That and the Other – Truth, Andy Amazon, Epoxy Resin

This – There is More than One Truth

Imagine that Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are far out in the English countryside in pursuit of a unique case involving an agricultural mystery.
They have settled down in their sleeping bags in a small tent for the night.
Just before dawn, Sherlock nudges Dr. Watson awake, and says,
“Watson – look up and tell me what you notice.”
Dr. Watson tells him that he sees the stars – that the clear sky means the weather will be good in the coming day – that the very faint light in the east says it is almost dawn. “What do you notice, Holmes?”
Holmes sits up. “I notice that someone has stolen our tent during the night.”
– Robert Fulghum, Now What?

That – Shopping in the Time of Covid

If I find this mat on Amazon, I’m going to buy it…

The Car Guy calls him (though sometimes it is a her) Andy Amazon. Andy visits our house a few times a week. He/She has delivered everything from printer ink to kitchen sink taps… epoxy resin to tools… all the things that our local stores either don’t ever carry or  can’t get because of Covid caused supply chain issues.

The absolute nicest Andy was of Asian descent. He left a parcel at our front door, rang the doorbell, then headed back to his vehicle. I got to the door before he got to the end of the patio.

I opened the door and said, loud enough for him to hear, “Thank you!” He turned and… bowed.

Whenever it snows, I trudge out to the main road and shovel down to bare dirt so that Andy knows exactly where our driveway is. If Andy is just a few feet off the mark he/she could end up in the ditch. That would really mess up Andy’s day and maybe we would get a black mark next to our name and all the Amazon Andys would tell the dispatcher that they definitely don’t want to deliver the parcel to the house in the country with the really deep ditch that sucks your car in right up to the door handle.

Without Amazon, The Car Guy and I might go crazy… no, make that crazier…

Serious Lock Down Advice:
Everyone please be careful because people are going crazy from being locked down at home!
I was just talking about this with the microwave and the toaster while drinking my tea, and we all agreed that things are getting bad.
I didn’t mention any of this to the washing machine, because she puts a different spin on everything.
Certainly couldn’t share with the fridge, ’cause he’s been acting cold and distant!
In the end, the iron straightened me out. She said the situation isn’t all that pressing and all the wrinkles will soon get ironed out.
The vacuum, however, was very unsympathetic… told me to just suck it up.
But the fan was very optimistic and gave me hope that it will all blow over soon.
The toilet looked a bit flushed but didn’t say anything when I asked its opinion,
but the front door said I was becoming unhinged and the doorknob told me to get a grip.
You can just about guess what the curtains told me: they told me to ‘pull myself together!”
We will survive!
– Author Unknown –

The Other – When do you have Enough Drink Coasters?

Clear Epoxy Resin drink coasters with computer parts embedded in them

The Car Guy, Daughter the Nurse and gHosT the dog (who has posted on this blog a few times: gHosT the grand dog) get together once a week for a day of woodworking. For the past few months they have dabbled in woodworking AND epoxy resin.  One of The Car Guy’s first projects was embedding computer parts into the epoxy – in the shape of drink coasters. He has also embedded rocks, photographs, wood slabs and many other things. When we had answered the question “How many drink coasters does one house need?” the subsequent coasters left home and took up residence in the homes of various family members.

You might remember from a previous post that The Car Guy went through an epoxy resin glitter phase during the holiday season: Epoxy Resin Snow Flakes.

Daughter is cutting out intricate shapes with a scroll saw and filling in the holes with resin!

I am thankful that The Car Guy has embarked on a new hobby that challenges the creative side of his brain. I’m not saying woodworking isn’t creative, but the epoxy resin also challenges him to think more like an artist. An added bonus to this new hobby is that it is absolutely excellent daddy-daughter time and goes a very long way to keeping us ‘older folks’ from feeling very alone in this locked down Province.

gHosT wants to add this:

it was cold at the Red House. today. so cold no one. took me for a walk. but they put me in the fenced yard. i ran and ran and ran and borked. i smelled something. it was big. i think. it had a big smell. grandma said it was. moose. ive never met a moose. if i did. i would bork and bork. even more. the moose wouldnt know if it was a. friendly bork. or not. all my borks sound the same. even to me.

Scroll saw dinosaur with epoxy resin – by Daughter the Nurse

 

How are all you folks passing the time these days? Are you in some sort of lock down too? Are you feeling fearful or optimistic? Do you have things to do that make you happy? Do you have someone to share your life with?

Literary Origami – The Dark Side of Book Folding

I folded this book into a Skull for my daughter – for Halloween. I should have used a thicker book and made some cross bones too.

I live inside your face.
– Author Unknown –

Why is the human skull as dense as it is? Nowadays we can send a message around the world in one-seventh of a second, but it takes years to drive an idea through a quarter-inch of human skull.
– Charles Kettering –

I folded this book into a Gothy figure (for the same daughter) – for Christmas. I was going to embroider some dark skulls to decorate the cape and body, but that was going to take more time than I had. Instead, The Car Guy made some black epoxy resin snowflakes!

I had choosen the path of the black sheep rather than that of the unicorns and puppies.
– Magenta Periwinkle, Cutting Class –

I turned my bedroom into a bat-cave of band posters, dark curtains, and the occasional skull. I think by now my distraught parents were seeking advice from their pastor. Andy, meanwhile, calmly remarked, “I like how you’ve found a way to use Halloween decorations year-round.”
– Molly Ringle, All the Better Part of Me –

The Daughter loved both books – she is a nurse. If you have a nurse in your family, you know that their interests, stories and sense of humour can sometimes be – different.

Or maybe it is day shift explaining to night shift… either way, it was probably a ‘shit’ show, as they say.

If you know a nurse or a doctor or a person who works in a medical facility, be sure to let them know that you appreciate what they do! And when they get to telling you the story about the patient who… well, I won’t go there. So just listen and nod and smile, like they do, when you talk about gardening or other such things that don’t involve body parts and fluids.

Tom Swifties

A ‘Tom Swifty’ is a play on words. It usually starts with a quotation, followed by an adverb that describes how Tom was speaking.

The term was coined by Willard Espy (1911–99). It is a parody on the style of writing in a series of adventure books published by Edward Stratemeyer and written by an imaginary author, Victor Appleton. Tom Swift was the main character in the books.

“Don’t you love sleeping outdoors,” Tom said intently.

“Get to the back of the ship!” Tom said sternly.

“How do I get to the cemetery?” Tom asked gravely.

“I can’t find the oranges,” said Tom fruitlessly.

“I decided to come back to the group,” Tom rejoined.

“I’d like my money back, and some,” said Tom with interest.

“I don’t like hot dogs,” Tom said frankly.

“I forgot what I was supposed to buy,” Tom said listlessly.

“I have no flowers,” Tom said lackadaisically.

“I just dropped the toothpaste,” said Tom crestfallenly.

“I’ll have a bowl of Chinese soup,” Tom said wantonly.

“I’ll have another martini,” said Tom dryly.

“I’ll have the lamb,” Tom said sheepishly.

“I lost my trousers,” said Tom expansively.

“I love hot dogs,” said Tom with relish.

“I need a pencil sharpener,” Tom said bluntly.

“I’m no good at playing darts,” Tom said aimlessly.

“I only have diamonds, clubs, and spades,’ Tom said heartlessly.

“I’ve removed all the feathers from this chicken,” said Tom pluckily.

“I won the daily double,” Tom said hoarsely.

“Let’s gather up the rope,” said Tom coyly.

“Look at those newborn puppies,” said Tom literally.

“My girlfriend broke up with me,” Tom said ruthlessly.

“Parsley, sage, rosemary,” said Tom timelessly.

“Pass me another chip” said Tom crisply.

“That’s a lot of hay,” Tom said balefully.

“That’s the last time I’ll pet a lion,” Tom said offhandedly.

“That’s the third time my teacher changed my grade,” Tom remarked.

“The thermostat is set too high,” said Tom heatedly.

“We just struck oil!” Tom gushed.

“You’re only average,” Tom said meanly.

Can you make up your own Tom Swifty? Were there any here that you didn’t get?

So Bad they are Good Puns and Jokes

With permission,  I’ve ‘borrowed’ most of the following bits of humor from ‘Bad Joke Monday’ at the blog ‘Feeding on Folly’. Talented blogger, Christi, illustrates these too – so please pop over to her place so that you can enjoy them in all their visual glory!

A bear walked into a bar and said, “Give me a whiskey and …………. cola.”
“Why the big pause?” asked the bartender.
The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”

A guy goes into a bar and says “I’ll have a Corona and two hurricanes.”
The bartender says,  “That will be $20.20.”

A fisherman accidentally got some vinegar in his ear, and now suffers from pickled hearing.

A grasshopper hops into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says “hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The grasshopper replies, incredulous, “You have a drink named Steve?”

A highway patrol motorcycle officer sees a woman speed past while knitting in the driver’s seat.
He hits the red lights and sets off in pursuit. She doesn’t stop, just keeps speeding along.
Finally he pulls along side and yells, “PULLOVER!!!”
She yelled back, “NO, CARDIGAN”

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say,
‘Buk Buk BUK.’
The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them. Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk and say,
‘ Buk Buk BuKKOOK!’
The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books. The chickens leave as before. The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say,
‘Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!’
The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them. She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen.
She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, “Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit…”

As we headed down the road, a large bug hit the windshield.
I said, “I’ll bet he doesn’t have the guts to do that again.”
Hubby responded, “Do you know what was the last thing to go through his mind? His butt!”

A vulture boarded an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looked at him and said,
“I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

Can you name all of Santa’s Reindeer?
No, they already have names.

Did you hear about the frog who parked in a red zone?
Yeah, his car was toad.

Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro?
They can never seem to beat the Straights of Magellan.

Every day at sunrise, rain, shine, fog, snow, Joe goes into his back yard,
faces east and says this little prayer:
“Dear God, please let me win the lottery today.”
He does this for twenty years.
Then one foggy morning the clouds part and a bright beam of light falls on Joe.
From the sky a booming voices says,
“Joe, meet me half way on this, buy a ticket.”

For every year someone spends in Phoenix, they get one off in hell.

How does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spent her time?
Staying awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.

How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.

How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilos overnight.
There would be mass confusion.

I totally understand how batteries feel because I’m rarely included in things either. (Christopher Hudspeth)

I’ve started investing in stocks: beef, chicken and vegetable. One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

The king of an African country issued a royal decree: No one may kill any wild animals.
The decree was honored, but soon there were too many lions and tigers in the kingdom. The people revolted and the king was removed from power.
It was the first known instance of a reign being called on account of game.

The man who invented auto-correct has died.
Restaurant in piece.

There once were some eggs from Boston
Who were sold to a store in Austin
But their shells were all cracked
When the train left the track
And their yolks leaked out, and they lost ‘em.
But they didn’t go out with a bang
So that wasn’t the end of our gang:
They found a good cook
With a recipe book
And lived life again as meringue!

What did the alien cat say to the Earth cat?
Take me to your litter.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.

What do you call a part-time bandleader?
A semi-conductor.

What do you call an annoying pumpkin that does stupid stuff?
A jack-ass-o-lantern.

What do you call a soldier that survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
A seasoned veteran.

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

What is the best stereo equipment to get for a dog?
A subwoofer with surround hound.

What’s the difference between a musician and a large pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
Don’t know, don’t care.

Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk.

Why does a space rock taste better than an Earth rock?
Because it’s a little meteor.

Why was the Snowman opening the bags of carrots at the grocery store?
He was picking his nose.

With all the sporting events cancelled they are going to
broadcast the International Origami Championship.
It will be on PaperView!

This, That and the Other – 2021, Trees and a Virus

This


I put all the Christmas decorations away last week – everything but the Christmas tree. The tree takes up quite a bit of space in the living room – so I scooted it out to an adjoining area. Now it is out of the way, but still clearly visible when I sit in my favourite chair!

I think it will stay there for quite a while. The lights make me happier and I need all the happy I can get to dispel the gloom of Alberta winter nights and mandated Covid social limitations.

We’ve turned the corner on sunlight, of course. The shortest day was December 21, and we are gaining almost a minute a day of daylight right now. We’ve also had a few weeks of mild weather. That is to say, temperatures have been such that I’ve traded heavy winter mitts for light ones when I go for a walk.

We’ve spotted the moose, a few times, though not in our yard. They have been favouring the lands west of us. We’ve been seeing more non-local vehicles drive up and down our road lately. I suspect they are hoping they will see the moose too.

That

As you can see, we’re still in Alberta. We haven’t made the annual snowbird trek to Arizona yet. Travel outside of Canada is not advised and we aren’t allowed to enter the USA by car.  In one of those strangely odd ‘rule loopholes’, we are allowed to fly there, though. That makes Arizona happy because they need the tourist dollars.

The Car Guy is ready to pack his bags and board a plane. I’m not so enthusiastic. For whatever reason, I’m just not keen to get into a metal tube full of people wearing masks to fly to a State where a different group of politicians is making rules that also ignore the concept of good ‘risk management.’

The Other

2021 – A new year, a new crop of memes and jokes – and names to remember. Covid-19 is now more commonly called SARS-CoV-2. You might remember that it became politically incorrect to refer to it as Wuhan flu or China virus, but you might be forgiven if you call the new variants UK variant and South Africa variant. Remembering their real names,  20B/501Y.V1, VOC 202012/01 and 20C/501Y.V2 is just a bit much.

There doesn’t seem to be a run on toilet paper so far.
We got a message from our nephew a while back. He wanted to thank the person who responded to his desperate search for yeast – and he thought it was funny that the yeast came wrapped like a nickel bag of dope.

 

This was funny when I saw it a few months ago. I’m not aware of anyone in our family who would bring weed to a family gathering (thought it is legal) – but family gatherings were illegal this Christmas.

At Home Dining – We Up our Game

The Eating Bar in the Kitchen: every day dishes; cutlery we got as a wedding present (51 years ago); mismatched drinking glasses. In the background on the right – the box with the new kitchen taps act as a reminder that The Car Guy has to either install them or call the plumber…

For most of the last 270 days, our evening meal has been consumed, in our home, at the kitchen island Eating Bar,  by a Party of Two.

What with Lockdowns; Mandates of how big our social bubble can be; living in a rural setting (a bad mosquito season this summer); general caution by others for (and by) people in our age group; the threat of  Fines for non-compliance; and Snitch call lines – well lets just say our social life has been very ‘quiet’.

Christmas Day Dinner was no different and when I asked The Car Guy if he wanted to ‘up our game’ for dinner for two, maybe use the ‘good dishes’ and newer cutlery, he gave me that look that said “We’re having left over ham from Christmas Eve’s Dinner…”

So I imagined left-over ham on the good dishes on place mats and newer cutlery and Canadian Festive napkins – and said “Yeah, it doesn’t make much difference does it…”

The next holiday dinner is today – Boxing Day. At this point in time,  we have eaten left-over ham at two dinners, two breakfasts and two lunches (because a ham of any size is the definition of eternity). Boxing Day we are serving what we affectionately call New Food.

To celebrate, we invited a guest and I set the table in the Dining Room. (How many of you have Dining Rooms? How many times a year do you use that room? We travel through ours many times every day because it is the only way to get to the kitchen from the rest of the house.)

Boxing Day Table set; guest is already here.

The good plates, the good cutlery, the good crystal glasses, a centre piece and Bruce the Moose as our guest. We are all set to ‘Up’ our Dining Game!

(To be honest, this post was inspired by some truly awesome photos of Christmas Dinner posted by friends and family. By virtue of extremely good taste in decorating and/or more people in their family bubble, they had what looked to be a festive and fun Christmas Day.

The reality for many seniors (like us in Alberta and maybe elsewhere) Christmas was somewhat more subdued. Maybe this is because as Covid time passes, it is getting harder and harder to emotionally ‘kick it up a notch’. We are surrounded by a society where government is ruling by keeping people in a blind, perpetual fear.

We are asked to put ‘safety first’ but ignore the inner voice that asks, “what about the collateral damage?” So, we do things as safe as we can, we keep the people near us as safe as we can, but it is a task beyond our ability to make sure everyone else and everything we do is absolutely safe.

Many of us seniors have lived through two pandemics already. Some served in a war or two. We learned to drive before seat belts and air bags. We rode our bikes without helmets. We got chicken pox, measles and mumps. Between 95 to 99.9% of us seniors will chalk up another win in the pandemic column!

So, this year is different, and we can live with that in good humour and good grace. But next year I hope we’ll see a full complement of people at our ‘turkey or ham’ table!

 

 

 

Christmas Tangle 2020 – Carrot Noses and Glitter

My Annual Drawing: Christmas Tangle 2020

This:

What the Snowmen know to be true:
A person is snown by the company they keep.
Boldly go where snowman has gone before.
Dance like snowbody’s watching.
Keep your ice on the prize.
Mother nose best.
Snowman is an island.

That:

I don’t want Christmas season to end, because it’s the only time I can legitimately indulge in my particular addiction: glitter.
– Eloisa James –

The Car Guy is a man of many talents – one of them is wood-working. Recently he has branched out into projects using pieces of wood inlaid with epoxy resin.

In order to keep down the costs of epoxy trial and error, he bought a few small molds to make snowflakes. Then he discovered glitter… We not only have enough glitter snowflakes now for a small avalanche, snowflakes have been slipped into every Christmas card we have sent out. Glitter has been added to epoxy drink coasters too.

I have fond memories of the Glitter phase that our children and grand children went through. They all grew out of it. I expect The Car Guy will too – until next Christmas.

The Other:

I’d like to end this post by wishing you all a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

If, like us, your government has decreed that you cancel any  ‘gathering of the clan’, I hope you find a way to make this Christmas a good one anyway.  You might want to consider purchasing some glue and some glitter.

Other The Other:

Here are My Previous Christmas Tangles

Inspiration for this years tangle came from the Golda Rader blog.

Satan Meets 2020 (Videos)

Ryan Reynold’s Maximum Effort (a boutique production house) partnered with the dating site Match.com for ads that depict ‘2020’ as a perfect match for Satan. The two ads are really well done and quite funny.

The ads begin with Satan sitting on his throne in Hell 11 months ago. Unperturbed by the sounds of torture surrounding him, his interest is piqued when a ping on his phone notifies him of a new match.

On a more serious note, this quote seems to capture Covid 2020:

Fear is the dark room where the Devil develops his negatives.
– Gary Busey –

This one captures a significant segment of mass and social media:

I don’t really believe in the Devil, but if the Devil is the Father of Lies, then he certainly invented the Internet.
– Ken MacLeod –

This, That and the Other – Robot, Monks, Oops (Video)

This

You might be able to relate to this fun video if you have ever had to prove you are not an internet Robot or if you have had to verify your account so that you can change your password.

That

It starts off so plausible and serious…

Did you know that in Las Vegas, NV, there are more Catholic Churches than casinos. Not all that surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday Mass will put casino chips in the collection baskets.

Since the diocese receives chips from dozens of casinos, it has become problematic and time consuming for individual parishes to separate, count and cash in the hundreds of chips they receive each week.

The Bishop turned to and enlisted the assistance from a Franciscan Monastery, just outside of Las Vegas. Some of the Franciscans sort and count the chips, while others are tasked with delivering the chips to their respective casinos and returning the cash to the parishes.

The latter are affectionately referred to as chip-monks.
– With Thanks to Ray V. at Mitigating Chaos

The Other

Good idea, really poor execution: The Alberta ‘Rona Virus website has a COVID-19 personal risk severity assessment tool. I tested it out.

Age group: 60-69. Biological sex: Female.
Conditions (from list of 8 health risks): none.
Resulting risk level: LOW

That was what I would expect… except I recently took up residence in the 8th decade. So I took the test again.
Age group: 70-79. Biological sex: Female.
Conditions (from list of 8 health risks): none.
Resulting risk level: HIGH

To sum it up: If you took this test one day before your 70th birthday, you would be at Low risk. One day after your 70th birthday and you would be at High risk. Seems like they have to have a greater number of age brackets AND they have to give some weight to the health risks.  (In Alberta, the average age of death from Covid-19 is 82. The majority of those who died had 2 or more health risks.)

Some more Close, but not quite right

When you want to fly direct to Boston but end up wherever your luggage got sent…

 

Maybe a new way to social distance???

 

Not the most appropriate photo for this frame…