They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by two minutes. I did the math. Seems I died in 1543.
– I Might be Funny, via Reddit –
Update on Toilet Paper!
The Car Guy brought home an early Easter present – a 12 roll pack of Charmin toilet paper! It is a huge improvement over scratchy single ply – now I know why the bear on the package looks so happy.
I’ve been saving the empty cardboard toilet paper tubes since the ‘Great TP Scarcity’ started. I thought some creative soul would come up with a great idea of what to do with the tubes – which someone did. A Wreath. Theirs (photo on left) looks more Eastery, don’t you think?
So I got busy and started my wreath. I’m going to do a two layer Christmasy one.
Indian Hills, Colorado
The Indian Hills Community Center has a very famous notice board that changes quite frequently. (Look it up on the internet.) The keeper/s of the sign posts notices like this:
Police car loses wheels to thief! Cops are working tirelessly to nab suspect…
Animals at the Keyboard
Chevy Vs Mopar
The Car Guy is a mostly Mopar man. He sent me a cartoon of a man standing at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter consults his laptop to determine whether he will let the man in, then remarks “Says here you put a Chevy Engine in a Mopar.”
Here in Arizona, spring means flowers and turkey vultures. We often see them circling overhead. With a wingspan of 67-70 in (170-178 cm), they can be just a little bit unnerving when they decide to check you out. It is even more unsettling this year, given the Covid crisis and the fact we are in a senior’s community where the average age is well north of 75…
(see previous post Another Moose) Thanks to everyone who suggested these names: Wink, Marty and Rudy. Bruce got a thumbs up from a number of people, so I think the moose will retain the nickname (Bruce) but will have an official name that will appear on any legal documents: Martywinkrudy the 1st.
What the Dog Thinks
gooooob morning. today has infinite wondrous possibilities. i’m going back to sleep. but you should find out what they are
– Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings Nov 26 –
the small neighbor human. came over after school. to try to get me to eat their homework. while i don’t condone such behavior. i absolutely complied
– Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings Sep 17 –
If you have a gingerbread man cutter, then you also have a reindeer head cutter…
Who knew that the staple of any good prison meal, stale bread and cheese, could be made into high-end gourmet dining by melding the cheese and cutting the bread into cubes. (Fondue)
– Bangor Maine Police Department –
In Canada we don’t say “I love you: we say “I’m going to Timmies do you want anything?”
– Author Unknown –
Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish.
– Author Unknown –
News from Around the World
What’s most frustrating is the fact that driver’s license photos are so terrible. I think it has a lot to do with the process of aging. You know, the time between actually arriving at the License Bureau, and getting called for your license?
– Daniel C Chamberlain, Author @DanCChamberlain Oct 10 –
Over the next few weeks my IQ relative to the general public is going to increase as I have blocked #impeachment. No, I do not have a “civic duty” to sacrifice valuable neurons to the opinions surrounding this process.
– Medical Axioms @medicalaxioms Nov 14 –
Kelly Campagna @warriorwoman91 Jul 22: Why are men so dense?
Ben Shapiro @benshapiro Jul 23: Higher muscle mass, greater bone density due to hormonal differences during development…
The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline. No one remembers where this tradition originated, but every year it attracts many tourists from all over the world.
– Julian Popov @julianpopov Oct 19 –
Don’t run with bagpipes. You could put an aye out or worse yet, get kilt.
– Author Unknown –
My favourite line from the #elxn43 french language debate was Justin Truedau saying he’ll stand up to Alberta and the oil barons. Brother, you bought a $4.5bn pipeline. You ARE an oil baron.
– Dónal O’Beirne @DonoYEG Oct 11 –
An alarming court document, God v. Canada. Turns out to be an immigration appeal by a guy named Badri God. So, close one!
– Blacklock’s Reporter @mindingottawa Nov 25 –
If you spend your time on here (twitter) demonizing people who vote differently from you then I’m sorry but you’re the problem. Not them.
– Kristin Raworth @KristinRaworth Oct 3 –
A Wise Celebrity
I’m going to my favorite Los Angeles area Hallmark store on this holiday just to see how they managed to rhyme “indigenous.”
– Pat Sajak @patsajak Oct 14 –
I don’t normally use Twitter to plug my commercial ventures, but I’m very excited about my soon-to-open clothing store chain, Forever 72.
– Pat Sajak @patsajak Oct 10 –
At the bookstore:
Me: “Do yall have any books on turtles”
Cashier: “Hard back?”
Me: “Yeah, with little heads”
– wHyZgUy @_WhyzGuy_ Mar 28 –
Someone from the Gyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst Beer is normal. I didn’t even know you liked beer.
– Author Unknown –
There will only be 21 million Bitcoins.
What happens when 7.52 billion people realize that?
– Brilliant Ads @Brilliant_Ads Jun 21 –
I recently called an old Engineering buddy of mine and asked what he was working on these days. He replied that he was working on ‘Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment.” I was impressed until, upon further inquiry, I leaned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife’s supervision.
– Facebook Oldtimers –
How to keep the drapes closed in a hotel room:
Last, but not Least
The Bigfoot file has been declassified.
We think we still have the suit somewhere in storage. Fun times.
– The Mossad: Elite Parody Division @TheMossadIL Jun 7 –
In the big scheme of things, it was a little blip. I logged onto my WordPress blog a few days ago, and instead of being greeted with my WP Admin page, I was looking at the contents of the WordPress Feed Reader. Instead of seeing my personal Dashboard, I was seeing the endless list of what other people had posted and what WordPress thought I should read, etc, etc.
I was not amused. Granted, I could still get to my WP Admin page in a few clicks, but that wasn’t the point. When I log on to this account, I want my information to be the priority.
I won’t go into great detail about the discussion I had online with three WordPress ‘Happiness Engineers’; the rating I gave them when I got a cheerful email asking me to rate my help experience; or the message I posted in the WordPress Forums.
That’s now water under the bridge because this morning when I logged on, life was back to normal. My WP Admin page was the first thing I saw. That wretched Reader was back where it belonged – a tab at the top of the page.
The ‘Pizza Crust’
The ‘pizza crust on the sidewalk’ was the email that I got from WordPress (in response to my message thanking them for fixing my problem).
Isn’t that just a hoot!? They changed something in order to fix something which then broke something else, which when they fixed that, it also fixed something that they didn’t know they had broken.
Refreshing honesty and a good outcome for all. Life is Good.
What Say You – have you found any ‘pizza crusts on the sidewalk’ lately?
A new Line Rider video by DoodleChaos with music from The Piano Guys – Something Just Like This / Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2
How hard is it to create a Line Rider sequence? Well, I tried it (and crashed a lot.) Just visit this post to see my results and then follow the link to the Line Riders program so you can try it too. Line Riders – Blue Danube.
A Sunflower in the hay field across the road. For some reason, there were only about a dozen of these cheerful flowers in the quarter section. The blooms lasted for about 2 days before the swather cut them down. Timing is everything…
Speaking of music, I downloaded Copy Trans Manager and used it to upload music to two little (and old) iPod Nanos (second and third generation.) The program works well and it was ever so nice not to have to put iTunes on my computer.
Steve Jobs apparently once joked that Apple’s iTunes software for Windows computers was extremely popular, because “It’s like giving a glass of ice water to somebody in hell.” I disagree. Getting iTunes off your computer – now that is hell.
Speaking of age, here are all my Age Quotations. I have friends I should send this link to, but right now I can’t remember their names. So please forward this to your friends… etc.
The Parti Rhinocéros or Rhinoceros Party, was a Canadian political party from 1963 to 1993.
Informally called ‘The Rhinos’, the party was started by Jacques Ferron, a Canadian physician and author. The rhinoceros was chosen as their symbol because politicians are: “thick-skinned, slow-moving, dim-witted, can move fast as hell when in danger…”
The organizers said they were Marxist-Lennonist, which was a tip of the hat to Groucho Marx and John Lennon. The party platform was described as being ‘two feet high and made of wood’.
Music from a Marble Machine
Isn’t this just about the most amazing machine you have ever seen?
I saw a cartoon that showed two women standing in the backyard, admiring a nicely pegged line of clothes on a clothesline. The one woman remarks, “It dries the washing using the very latest technology – a combination of solar and wind power.”
How many of you remember using that technology? There was little to nothing blissful about it. It was brutal in the winter, wicked on a windy day, useless when it was raining and shitty when some birds landed on the lines.
I love my dryer…
Watching a Snow Video in the Summer
This Video was especially funny the first time we saw it because we were in Arizona during the storm.
Things That Tell The Truth
What would you add to this list of things that tell the truth?
DoodleChaos has a new Line Riders upload on YouTube. Be sure to watch to the very end – best chuckle of the day!
The DoodleChaos artist, Mark Robbins, draws with Line Rider, an online application that allows you to make videos by drawing lines on which, Bosh, a little person on a sleigh, slides along the path you draw.
Mark matches the movement of the Line Rider with the music he has chosen. If you want to understand just how difficult and time consuming this is, go to the Line Rider site (click play to start) and try drawing a few lines! See if you can keep the little sledder from crashing!
But after two years of watching one deadline give way to the next, does anyone really believe Britain will meet this one?
– Emma Ross-Thomas, Bloomberg –
Who You Were Will be More Important Than Who you Became So You Think You are Overtaxed?
Canadian Taxes on Gasoline: Federal Tax, Provincial Tax, Sales Tax and Carbon Tax.
On the Food Front
Ever notice that public restrooms sometimes mount the paper towel dispenser so high that the water drips up your arms when you reach for the towel? (Or maybe that is just something that happens to short people…) Some restrooms only have air blowers and they are so weak you finally just wipe your hands on your pants.
Do you agree that you should “Avoid using the handicapped stall unless you are entitled to do so?” I think that is bad advice. The handicapped are perfectly capable of waiting a few minutes for their stall to become available and it is silly to leave a stall vacant when there is a long line of people waiting to use the facilities.