This and That – Some ‘Groaners’ and a Bear (Video)

First up,  ‘Groaner’ Jokes – some as punny as they are funny

A couple of lads grew up together in a large city Greek neighborhood. They were good friends whose names were Euripides and Eumenides. They parted ways when they grew up. Euripides become a rich and famous celebrity while Eumenides took over his aging father’s tailor shop.

Many years went by and one day a limousine pulled up in front of the tailor shop. A man got out with a pair of torn trousers and entered. The tailor looked up from his work and saw who it was and shouted, “Euripides? Euripides?” To which the man replied, “Yeah, yeah, yeah… Eumenides?”

– Sidebar: This joke has apparently been around for awhile, though isn’t as old as Euripides (480 – 406BC) (sounds like “You-rip-a-these”) who was a great Athenian playwright. Eumenides, “You-mend-a-these”, is the third part of a tragedy by Aeschylus. I ‘borrowed’ this joke from The Haps with Herb and edited it slightly. –

What does an insomniac ­agnostic dyslexic spend most of his time doing? Stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

A local monastery was going bankrupt. The abbot didn’t know what to do. The brothers had a meeting, and decided to open a great Olde English Fish-N’-Chips stand. One day, a man knocked on the door. After one of the brothers answered the door, the man asked, “May I have just an order of fries?”
The brother said, “Hold on a moment. I’m the fish friar. You want the chip monk.”

There are many stories related to the sinking of the “Titanic”. Some come to light due to the success of the movie. For example, most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The “Titanic” was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today.
It is known, of course, as: Sinko de Mayo

Back in the 1800’s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California.
This, of course, is the origin of the expression; ‘He who has a Tates is lost!’

I will undoubtedly be borrowing more content from this page for future posts: Groaners.

Some of the other puns I have collected are at the bottom of this post. Click the link for Pun.

There is More Than One Way to Get What you Want

An elderly lady handed her bank card to the bank teller and said “I would like to withdraw $10”. The teller told her “for withdrawals less than $100, please use the ATM”. When the lady asked why, the teller told her it was bank policy.
The lady remained silent for a few seconds and handed her card back to the teller and said “please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when he checked the account balance and replied: “you have $300,000 in your account but the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back again tomorrow?”
The lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her any amount over $100 and up to $3000. “Well please let me have $3000 now.” The teller did as he was asked.
The elder put $10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account…
This is called ‘adapting to adversity’.
– Author Unknown –

What was the Bear Thinking?

Cricket is a game that gives ‘not very spiritual people’ some idea of what eternity is.
– Author Unknown –

Fastest Guys Around

Line Rider Race (Video)

DoodleChaos artist, Mark Robbins, draws with Line Rider, an online application that allows you to make videos by drawing lines on which, Bosh, a little person on a sleigh, slides along the path you draw. In this video, he synchronized the William Tell Overture (by Rossini) to 8 Line Riders racing down the track to victory.

If you want to experience just how difficult and time consuming it was to make this video, go to the Line Rider site (click play to start) and try drawing a few lines! See if you can keep the little sledder from crashing!

I tried it:

This is the track I drew (after a lot of tries…)
And this is what happened to the Line Rider as he attempted that last climb…

Crash…

The William Tell Overture was composed by the Italian composer Gioachino Rossini. The opera premiered in 1829.

The music has been used many times in popular media. It as the theme song for ‘The Lone Ranger’; Walt Disney’s Mickey Mouse cartoon ‘The Band Concert’; a Flintstones episode “The Hot Piano”; advertising for ‘Reebok’ and ‘Honda Civic’ and the movie ‘A Clockwork Orange’.

Stop Motion Clay Animation (Video)

The Quippery

Gumby is an American clay animation about a green clay human like character created and modeled by Art Clokey.

A History Lesson on Stop Motion Animation

A Funny but slightly Gruesome Clay Animation – Great Song Though!

The song is Cinderella Rockefella. It was written by Mason Williams and Nancy Ames and was originally recorded and released by Israeli folk duo Esther and Abi Ofarim on their 1967 album ‘2 in 3’.

When the Dashboard of your Dodge Transforms into that of a Chev (or WordPress Hides the Classic Editor Again)

Logged onto my WordPress Account this morning and the Dashboard (the place where you manage everything to do with your blog) was different. Familiar enough to know where everything was, but presented in a different manner.

I explained to The Car Guy that it was like getting into an old Dodge and finding the familiar dashboard was now something that belonged in a new Chev. I would be able to use it, but it would take a bit of time to figure out how everything worked… though there was a problem because I couldn’t figure out how to start it.

In WordPress, the ‘start’ button is the post editor. I’m used to the ‘Classic Editor’. WordPress is pushing us to use the new and improved and very confusing ‘Block Editor’. This morning, I couldn’t find the button to start the ‘Classic Editor’.

I contacted support and was told that the dashboard changes (which removed the Classic Editor ‘start’ button) are slowly being rolled out, which is why there was no announcement.

I’ve chased the Classic Editor over hill and dale and will not give up on it until WordPress ‘kills’ it. It is no longer about what is the best editor, it is about my stubborn determination to hold onto something that works for me.

After a bit of back and forth, the WordPress Happiness Engineer eventually found me a link to get me back into the old Dashboard. If you are a blogger and you want to get back to the dashboard that lets you use the Classic Editor, then here is the link. Just replace ‘yourblog’ with the part of the url that is specific to your blog:

https://yourblog.wordpress.com/wp-admin/edit.php

This and That – Winter and Labs (Videos)

Had Enough of Winter Yet?

Dear Mother Nature,
Having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel the remainder of my subscription. Thank you.
– Author Unknown –

As I’ve previously mentioned, we’re still in Alberta ‘enjoying’ our first full cold and snow winter in about 8 years. Though we would prefer to be in warm sunny Arizona, many factors convinced us to stay home rather than fly south, then home weeks later. This included Canada’s recent new rule that anyone who is allowed to fly into Canada will have to present proof of a negative Covid test taken in the previous 72 hours; then they will be required to stay in a ‘detention’ hotel for up to three days, at their own expense, until such time as another Covid test says they are still negative. Then they will be allowed to go home for the remainder of a 2 week quarantine where security officers may pop by to make sure they are where they are supposed to be. Last, but not least, another Covid test must be done on day 10 of home incarceration.

Our Prime Minister is showing how super tough he is when it comes to Covid! I guess that is to make up for the fact that his government failed to procure very much vaccine and Canada is now 45th in the world in terms of doses per 100 people administered. (The UK is 4th, USA is 5th.)

On the lighter side of winter life, here is #DudeDad and #CharlieBerens to tell you How to train for winter!

How Other Countries are Coping During the Pandemic

Back to the theme of fitness:

My favourite labs, Olive and Mabel are urged to join the gym that Andrew Cotter has built in his garage.

Quotes of the Day

The first thing you should know about me is that I’m not you. A lot more will make sense after that.
-Author Unknown –

The three hardest things to say are:
1. I was wrong
2. I need help
3. Worcestershire Sauce
– Author Unknown –

This and That – Valentine’s Day (Video)

The Car Guy and I have big plans for Valentine’s Day… 2022. Valentine’s Day 2021, however, will be much like every other day during lockdown! Not that I’m complaining – I can’t think of anyone else in the whole world that I would rather spend my morning, afternoon, evening and nights with, day after day after day, than The Car Guy!

A bit more than half a century ago I was still searching for the right person – ah, those heartbreak years.  This video captures that pain… but only if you listen to it. Watch it, and you’ll get a good laugh.

After you’ve watched the video – do tell – did you give/or get a class ring? Gals, did you ‘size’ it with tape or string so it would fit, or did you wear in on a chain?

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
– Author Unknown –

I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
– Author Unknown –

Love is in the air? Wrong. Nitrogen, Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide are in the air.
– Author Unknown –

If Donald Trump gave Valentine’s cards to his loved ones, the message might read: “I want you on my side of the wall.”
– Author Unknown –

This and That – Doors, Ghosts Cats in Boxes (Video)

Does the cat in the middle box, top row, remind you of anyone you know?

Do you have a cat that is always looking for trouble?

For more quotes/jokes with a twist at the end, see my post called Ambused by the Best Paraprosdokians

Do you have a duvet on your bed, or do you use blankets? We have duvets here at the Red House. We use two single duvets on our bed, instead of one big one. No more waking up cold because a shared duvet has migrated to the other person’s side of the bed!

A ‘better’ duvet cover is the kind that has a set of stringy things sewn onto the inside of each corner. The easiest way to insert the duvet in this type of cover, then, is to turn the duvet cover inside out and lay it on the bed. Lay the duvet on top of the cover. Tie the duvet corner strings to the duvet. Then turn the cover right side out.

I don’t have duvet covers with those strings. I have a sewing machine, I have strings, yet it is a sewing task I’ve never got around to doing. Instead, I use the ‘almost crawl inside the cover to try to match the corners’. How does the laundry/bed maker domestic engineer in your house do this task?

I just started a new band called ‘Blankets and Duvets’
We’ve already been called the best cover band of all time.
Author Unknown