Two representatives of the ‘Munching Moose Tree and Hedge Maintenance Service’ were here again last week. When I pointed out to them that I really didn’t want any more pruning done, this is what they said:
“Well, we chose your yard for a free complimentary call! I’ve got a young trainee with me. Junior hasn’t got the skills of our more experienced crew, so really needs the practice.
Junior can’t reach the taller branches, so I’ve assigned him to hedge duty. He should have your willow cut down to about 3 feet before the morning is over.
While he is doing that, I’m going to work on this aspen tree over here. What’s that you say? It was pruned just a few weeks ago by our other crew? Well, they missed a few branches. Look at how lopsided it is!
See how we eat everything and never leave a twig behind for you to clean up! Well, yes ma’am, we do leave these round brown lumps on the ground, but we don’t charge you a thing for our Munching Moose Tree and Hedge fertilization program.
Dear Mother Nature,
Having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel the remainder of my subscription. Thank you.
– Author Unknown –
As I’ve previously mentioned, we’re still in Alberta ‘enjoying’ our first full cold and snow winter in about 8 years. Though we would prefer to be in warm sunny Arizona, many factors convinced us to stay home rather than fly south, then home weeks later. This included Canada’s recent new rule that anyone who is allowed to fly into Canada will have to present proof of a negative Covid test taken in the previous 72 hours; then they will be required to stay in a ‘detention’ hotel for up to three days, at their own expense, until such time as another Covid test says they are still negative. Then they will be allowed to go home for the remainder of a 2 week quarantine where security officers may pop by to make sure they are where they are supposed to be. Last, but not least, another Covid test must be done on day 10 of home incarceration.
Our Prime Minister is showing how super tough he is when it comes to Covid! I guess that is to make up for the fact that his government failed to procure very much vaccine and Canada is now 45th in the world in terms of doses per 100 people administered. (The UK is 4th, USA is 5th.)
On the lighter side of winter life, here is #DudeDad and #CharlieBerens to tell you How to train for winter!
How Other Countries are Coping During the Pandemic
Back to the theme of fitness:
My favourite labs, Olive and Mabel are urged to join the gym that Andrew Cotter has built in his garage.
Quotes of the Day
The first thing you should know about me is that I’m not you. A lot more will make sense after that.
-Author Unknown –
The three hardest things to say are:
1. I was wrong
2. I need help
3. Worcestershire Sauce
– Author Unknown –
The Car Guy and I have big plans for Valentine’s Day… 2022. Valentine’s Day 2021, however, will be much like every other day during lockdown! Not that I’m complaining – I can’t think of anyone else in the whole world that I would rather spend my morning, afternoon, evening and nights with, day after day after day, than The Car Guy!
A bit more than half a century ago I was still searching for the right person – ah, those heartbreak years. This video captures that pain… but only if you listen to it. Watch it, and you’ll get a good laugh.
After you’ve watched the video – do tell – did you give/or get a class ring? Gals, did you ‘size’ it with tape or string so it would fit, or did you wear in on a chain?
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
– Author Unknown –
I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
– Author Unknown –
Love is in the air? Wrong. Nitrogen, Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide are in the air.
– Author Unknown –
If Donald Trump gave Valentine’s cards to his loved ones, the message might read: “I want you on my side of the wall.”
– Author Unknown –
2020 has answered the question “Hank why do ya drink?”
Anyone else’s car getting three weeks to the gallon now?
At this point I would feel safer if the Coronavirus held a press conference to tell us how it’s going to save us from the government.
Due to my isolation, I finished 3 books yesterday. Believe me—that’s a lot of colouring
Finland as just closed their borders.
No one will be crossing the finish line.
Gwenyth Paltrow said in an interview we should take this time to learn a new language or write a book. I just shook chip crumbs out of my bra and I don’t know what day it is. I’m fairly certain I’m not going to attempt either of those things.
I just Clorox wiped a bottle of Purell and Purelled my hands cuz I touched the Clorox canister. How far down a rabbit hole does this go?
I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.
I’m not sure how many cookies it takes to be happy, but so far it’s not twenty seven.
It was a quiet Monday morning in September 2053, when John awoke with a need to go to the bathroom. To John this wasn’t just any ordinary day! This was the day he would open the last package of toilet paper his parents bought in the year 2020.
I see a big baby boom coming our way in 9 months. They will be called the C-19 babies and the #1 baby names will be “Charmin” and “Scott”.
Masks are the NEW bra! They’re uncomfortable, you only wear them in public, and when you don’t wear one, everyone notices.
My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine. It’s called “Why are you doing it that way?” There are no winners.
Now is not the right time to surround yourself with positive people.
Ran out of toilet paper… having to use lettuce leaves. Today was the tip of the iceberg. Trying to romaine calm.
Snow White is down to 6 dwarfs. Sneezy has been placed in quarantine.
The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them.
All that’s left is de brie.
There will be a minor baby boom in 9 months and then, one day in 2033, we shall witness the rise of the quaranteens.
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19.
Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.
To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
To go to the grocery store, they said a mask and gloves were enough… they lied. Everybody else had clothes on.
What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany?
The Wurst Kase scenario.
Why do they call it the novel coronavirus?
It’s a long story…
All bugs are insects, but not all insects are bugs. The Praying Mantis is an insect, but I don’t think it is a bug… but I needed a ‘B’ word for the title of this post…
Bees: “Flight of the Bumblebee” is an piece of music written by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov for his opera The Tale of Tsar Saltan. It was composed in 1899–1900. It evokes the seemingly chaotic and rapidly changing flying pattern of a bumblebee.
Bats: Since no one actually speaks ‘Bat’… In the people world, locating some one by calling out ‘Marco’ and getting the response ‘Polo’ if the person is in hearing distance – I learned this from my grandchildren.
Beatles: At over seven minutes in length, their song “Hey Jude” was the longest single to top the British charts up to that time.
Three moose grazed their way through our yard a few mornings ago. Only one of them was within camera range. If this moose could talk, this might be the moose side of the conversation:
Good morning. Me and my two pals were sent here by the Munching Moose Tree and Hedge MaintenanceService. I finished pruning the hedge. Now I’m going to do an Aspen Tree. What’s that? You don’t want the Aspen pruned? Well, usually the customer is right, but let me show you how I can fix the lopsided growth on this particular tree.
If I was to cut this branch off, right about here, this tree would look much better.
Now, another little snip right here…
There, I’m done this branch. Just thirty or forty more branches and I’ll be full… I mean done. Hope you weren’t counting on this tree to provide any shade this summer…
Ryan Reynold’s Maximum Effort (a boutique production house) partnered with the dating site Match.com for ads that depict ‘2020’ as a perfect match for Satan. The two ads are really well done and quite funny.
The ads begin with Satan sitting on his throne in Hell 11 months ago. Unperturbed by the sounds of torture surrounding him, his interest is piqued when a ping on his phone notifies him of a new match.
On a more serious note, this quote seems to capture Covid 2020:
Fear is the dark room where the Devil develops his negatives.
– Gary Busey –
This one captures a significant segment of mass and social media:
I don’t really believe in the Devil, but if the Devil is the Father of Lies, then he certainly invented the Internet.
– Ken MacLeod –
If it wasn’t for the delivery guys, our social life would be almost zilch.
The only upside to Covid is that many retailers have made online shopping really easy! We don’t need to drive anywhere, delivery is quick and products are available that aren’t always stocked in the local stores. What’s not to like!
The King/Queen of online shopping is Amazon. It has more than 2.5 million retailers selling on the Amazon marketplace (according to Marketplacepulse, 2019).
We ventured out last week to buy a new kitchen tap set at Home Depot. They were out of stock, but we could order online from them. Delivery was in one to three weeks. Amazon had the same product for the same price and it was delivered two days later… though it might take The Car Guy one to three weeks to decide whether he is going to call the plumber to do the install.
How did IKEA come up with their business and marketing plan? Dude Dad has this very funny explanation!
This ‘Lest We Forget’ admonishment arrived in my Facebook feed a few days after I had put up my Christmas Tree. I’m not really sure how decorating for Christmas implies disrespect for anything, but if that is what some people feel, then they have every right to feel that way…
…and I have every right to do what feels right for me. Hence the tree. Right now it is the brightly lit beacon in the corner of the living room that dispels the late afternoon gloom that came after we changed the clocks.
iFixit is a site that wants to help people repair things. They are building a free repair manual for every device – a monumental undertaking, but they are making great progress. They rate how easy it is to repair smart phones, tablets and laptops – and they also have sections on appliances, cameras, vehicles and many more.
Our stuff used to be made to last. Now it’s made to last only a couple of years. Repair is green. It keeps the stuff you love in service, and out of a landfill.
Products that can be repaired, should be repaired. Refurbished cell phones can be sold to someone new. Repaired computers bridge the digital divide. Even better, repair jobs are local. They won’t ever be shipped overseas.
A man was lying in bed on his new memory foam mattress. He soon regretted buying it because it spoke to him all night long – “Remember when you wet your pants at the school picnic? Remember when you could sleep until noon? Remember when you didn’t have to count calories?”
Sunday Morning Love Story
Sunday morning, except for those week-ends where Saturday morning is declared virtual Sunday because real Sunday morning is otherwise occupied… The Car Guy goes to Tim Hortons and buys us each a Breakfast Sandwich and beverages – Coffee (light roast with 2 milks) for him and a small Tim’s Iced Capp Light for me.
Friends don’t let friends drink Starbucks.
-Tim Hortons T-shirt –
If you can tell people you’re at Timmy’s and they don’t ask ‘Timmy Who?’, then you might be a Canadian.
One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” she replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
He yelled back, “Texas A&M”.
Cat Tales or Tails
The cat sitting at the keyboard of the computer explains to the cat watching: “So far I’ve discovered I was in a litter of eight and my mother’s name was Fluffy!”
– Author Unknown – comment about Genealogy Research –
Tupperware? More like Tupper-where-is-the-freakin’-lid?
– Aunty Acid –
Oh, You Mean Real Red Flags…
Why does a space rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it’s a little meteor.
Have you been to Meteor Crater in Arizona? It is the world’s best preserved meteorite impact site – the result of a collision that rocked the American Southwest approximately 50,000 years ago. It is about one mile across, 2.4 miles in circumference and more than 550 feet deep. The object that created the crater was a nickel-iron meteorite about 160 ft (50 meters) across.