This is the Week That Was – Here We Go Again

The next installment of the Revolt of the Appliances: 

The evil Chief of all Appliances said to the heater of the garage, “what sayest thou about another season of keeping the cars just above freezing all winter?” And the little furnace said, “I am BTU’d out.” The Chief of all Appliances smiled with anticipation of yet another costly installation, though it later became apparent that the price paled in comparison to the estimate for some major window replacements…

Stop Bugging Me!

The Six-Plume Moths (that were released when the furnace was replaced) are dwindling in numbers. There is, however, an uptick in black house flies, spiders and ladybugs who have moved indoors looking for warmth – I predict the spiders will win if the species cross paths.

The Wheels Go Round and Round

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
– George Carlin –

Funniest EV Spoof: The Mercedes AA Class – 9648 Batteries!

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9 year old was given $100.
– Unknown –

The Car Guy tells me if I try to put one of these in any of his vehicles, I might as well take my crochet hook and find another place to live…

In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.”
– Bill Engvall –

Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.
– Jenn McKinlay –

Sometimes the road less travelled is less travelled for a reason.
– Jerry Seinfeld

Well, we’re not in the middle of nowhere, but we can see it from here.
– Thelma and Louise –



What are the words to Footloose?

From the Garage

A guest post from The Car Guy:

Which Company Produces the Most Tires?

The LEGO group produced over 318 million toy tires in 2011 and was recognized by Guinness World Records as having the highest annual production of tires by any manufacturer.
Compare that to the top three tire manufacturing companies (by revenue):  Bridgestone (manufacturing 190 million tires), Michelin (184 million), Goodyear(181 million).
– Source Unknown –

Charger Daytona – Unreal and Real

The Car Guy knows someone who has a real 1969 Charger Daytona. There weren’t very many made and his friend has one of the rarest – a Hemi 4 speed.

Concours in the Hills 2022

This car show (in Fountain Hills, Arizona) is one of the largest in the country. This year there were just over 1000 cars and 10 military helicopters. Attendance was probably over 30,000 spectators. Car clubs included Ferrari, Lamborghini, Porsche, McLaren, Maserati, Jaguar, Corvette, Viper, Ford GT, Lotus, Audi, BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Alfa Romeo, DeTomaso, DeLorean, Mustang, Cadillac and others.

Photo – Source Unknown

One of our favourites at this show: a Dodge Li’l Red Express Truck.

This and That

I talk to my BMW, just in case it’s a transformer
– Author Unknown –

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do
– Jason Love –

Cars, Trucks, Garage and Licenses Quotations

Walter the Cat and Other Cat and Dog Tales

Walter the Cat – Almost Makes You Want to buy a Chevy…

If the Dog Could Talk

Dog: WAT DOING?
Me: Nothing. I just stood up.
Dog: WHERE GO?
Me: I’m walking 3 feet away. I’m not even leaving the room.
Dog: I COME.
Me: But, I’m just going…
Dog: I COME TOO.
Dog: WAT DOING?
Me: I need to open this door.
Dog: I HALP.
Me: Then move because you are right in front of the door.
Dog: WHERE GO?
Me: I am going back to sit where I was a few seconds ago.
Dog: I COME TOO…
– Author Unknown –

Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
– Ann Landers –

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult
– Rita Rudner –

Previous Cat and Dog Posts
It’s a Dog’s Life
Dog Quotations
Cats with Yarn
If the Animals Could Talk
Talk to the Animals
Cat Quotations

How Truthful are Photos? My Altered Cars

The Age of Information. The internet has given us the keys to an almost limitless resource. Bias is unlimited too, making the search for something resembling the truth almost as difficult as finding the proverbial needle in a haystack.

Of course, the manipulation of words and photos is not new. History shows that photojournalists have been doctoring images and altering the story for a long time. Altered Images: 150 Years of Posed and Manipulated Documentary Photography  shows “images that broke the basic rules of photojournalism.”

Objective journalism and an opinion column are about as similar as the Bible and Playboy magazine.
– Walter Cronkite –

While it is easy to digitally doctor images, it is hard to do it really well. I found that out when I altered these Car Photos!

I created these ‘Toy Cars’ with the photo editing program GIMP (a program that lets you work with layers.) I started with a Corvette that the The Car Guy owned for a few years.

Basically it involves cutting the photo of the car into five vertical strips that extend from the top to the bottom of the photo, making a layer out of each strip. Then, starting at the front of the car, some of the strips are left full width (the front and back wheel sections), while the rest of them are made narrower (highlight the layer, and drag the arrow from the front to the back or use whatever method your program uses).

I did this several times until I had reduced the front, middle and back strips by about 50%. When the strips are moved into place, the car is shortened into a ‘Toy’ car. If you want to include some landscape on either end of the car, cut those into strips too, but don’t alter them.

This all sounds much easier than it is… it is tricky to get the narrowed strips to match up properly with the unaltered ones. This technique worked very well with the Corvette, since it is such a long car.

I also shortened my PT Cruiser.

1-ptcruiser

PT Cruiser

If you saw either of these photos in an article about, say, customized cars, would you be able to tell they had been digitally altered?

The truth is out there. Anyone know the URL?
– Author Unknown –

Green and Yellow with a Blanket of White

We had 10 inches (25 cm) of early season snow last week. The best thing about this is that it is the wake-up call for what is going to come when winter arrives for good.

Winter Morning Poem – By Ogden Nash

Winter is the king of showmen,
Turning tree stumps into snow men
And houses into birthday cakes
And spreading sugar over lakes.
Smooth and clean and frosty white,
The world looks good enough to bite.
That’s the season to be young,
Catching snowflakes on your tongue!
Snow is snowy when it’s snowing.
I’m sorry it’s slushy when it’s going.

Ten inches of snow looked like this:

Topaz Studio HDR filter
Abstraction filter
Telbarion Filter
Impasto filter

Frederic Ogden Nash (August 19, 1902 – May 19, 1971) was an American poet who wrote over 500 pieces of light verse. He used unconventional rhyming schemes and was declared the country’s best-known producer of humorous poetry!

Do you know any other Ogden Nash poems?

Cars, Trucks, Garage and Licenses Quotations

The Quippery

A commuter tie-up consists of you — and people who for some reason won’t use public transit.
– Robert Brault –

After you’ve heard two different eyewitness accounts of the same automobile accident, you begin to wonder about the validity of history. How do we know, for sure, what ever happened anywhere?
– Bits & Pieces Vol D #5 –

And I, I took the road less traveled by. I was using a GPS system.
– Robert Brault –

An object at rest tends to stay at rest, especially if you’re behind it when the light turns green.
– Robert Brault –

A pedestrian is someone who thought there were a couple of gallons left in the tank.
– Author Unknown –

A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.
– Peter De Vries –

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
– Author Unknown –

Cheap, fast and reliable. Pick two.
– Author Unknown –

Direction is more important than speed. We are so busy looking at our speedometers that we forget the milestone.
– Author Unknown –

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners.
– Joseph E. Cossman –

Each year it seems to take less time to fly across the ocean and longer to drive to work.
– Author Unknown –

Every year my family would pile into the car for our vacation and drive 80 trillion miles just to prove we couldn’t get along in any setting.
– Janeane Garofalo –

Guys, you can date whomever you want, but marry a girl who can back up a trailer.
– Michael Martin Murphy –

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
– Steven Wright –

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.
– Doug Larson –

I feel like I am parked diagonally in a parallel universe.
― Author Unknown –

If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses.
– Henry Ford –

If you can’t Dodge it, Ram it.
– Author Unknown –

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
– Earl Wilson –

I’m trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted the timetable for childbearing so that menopause and teaching a sixteen-year-old how to drive a car will occur in the same week.
– Erma Bombeck –

It finally happened. I got the GPS lady so confused, she said, “In one-quarter mile, make a legal stop and ask directions.”
– Robert Brault –

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
– Author Unknown –

My license plate says PMS. Nobody cuts me off.
– Wendy Liebman –

Meanwhile, those battling against the ever-increasing tide of Japanese cars to European community nations got an unexpected bonus recently when two ships collided in the Straits of Gibralter. A total of 3600 Mazdas and Toyotas wound up in Davy Jones locker at the bottom of the Mediterranean.
– Author Unknown –

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
– Erma Bombeck –

No, no, no. There’s no such thing as cheap and cheerful. It’s cheap and nasty; expensive and cheerful.
– Jeremy Clarkson –

On the other hand, the Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking 40 days to find a place to park.
– Curtis McDougall –

People can have the Model T in any color – so long as it’s black.
– Henry Ford –

Prudence was waiting for us when we arrived, and I saw her visibly wince as I pulled the Fiesta into the parking space beside her Lexus, like an automotive version of Lady and the Tramp.
― M.L. Brennan, Iron Night –

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
– Author Unknown –

The elderly don’t drive that badly; they’re just the only ones with time to do the speed limit.
– Jason Love –

The fact that people and trees and elephants and cars all have trunks just proves that there are more things than there are words.
– Scot Morris –

The key to motivating a young man to work hard… generally fits the ignition of his father’s car.
– Lynn Johnston –

The marvels of modern technology include the development of a soda can which, when discarded, will last forever – and a $7000 car which, when properly cared for, will rust out in two or three years.
– Paul Harwitz –

[T]hey both knew that the basis of her invariable reluctance about new cars was not thrift but sentiment. She simply could not endure the moment when the old one was driven away.
As for cars, they were in a class apart, somewhere between furniture and dogs. It wasn’t, with her, a question of the pathetic fallacy. She did not pretend to herself that cars had souls or even minds (though anybody, seeing the difference that can exist between one mass-produced car and another, might be excused for believing that they have at least some embryonic form of temperament). No, it was simply a matter of mise en scène. A car, nowadays, was such an integral part of one’s life, provided the aural and visual accompaniment to so many of one’s thoughts, feelings, conversations, decisions, that it had acquired at least the status of a room in one’s house. To part from it, whatever its faults, was to lose a familiar piece of background.
– Jan Struther, Mrs. Miniver –

They’d given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of the Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around my neck! You mark of Cain! You wretched beast of high ceilings and few horsepower!”
― John Green, Paper Towns –

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.
– Jason Love –

… we live on the edge of the abstract all the time. Look at something solid in the known world: an automobile. Separate the fender, the hood, the roof, lie them on the garage floor, walk around them. Let go of the urge to reassemble the car or to pronounce fender, hood, roof. Look at them as curve, line, form.
– Natalie Goldberg, Living Color: Painting, Writing, and the Bones of Seeing –

When buying a used car, punch the buttons on the radio. If all the stations are rock and roll, there’s a good chance the transmission is shot.
– Larry Lujack –

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’
– Tommy Cooper –

Garage

I can’t fix stupid, but I can charge for it.
– Unknown Mechanic –

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
– Steven Wright –

I’ve been trying to start a garage band for over a decade now, but father won’t move his car.
– Author Unknown –

Only in America – do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
– Author Unknown –

Some moms take a bubble bath with a glass of wine. I hide in the garage and smoke a joint.
– Someecards –

The doctor must have put my pacemaker in wrong. Every time my husband kisses me, the garage door goes up.
– Minnie Pearl –

Walking isn’t a lost art — one must, by some means, get to the garage.
– Evan Esar –

Warning! Need to borrow a tool? The last guy that touched this box is in the bottom drawer.
– Snap-On –

What happens in the garage stays in the garage.
– Author Unknown –

Bumper Stickers

Cover Me, I’m Changing Lanes.
Horn Broken… Watch For Finger.
He who hesitates is not only lost, but is miles from the next exit.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?
If You Can Read This, I’ve Lost My Trailer.
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over… (Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)
Pardon my driving, I’m reloading.

Vanity Plates

Professions:

Cardiologist: LUB DUB
Doctor: YRUILL
Dentist: 2THDR
Lawyer: ISUE4U
Detective: CLUESO
Judge: ALLRIZE
Many options: OLOGIST
Surgeon: LUV2CUT
Radiologist: C THRU
Urologist: CME2P and NOPCME

Vehicle:

VW Rabbit: HOP2IT
On a big motorhome: GLBL WMR
On a gas guzzler: 1 MPG
Disgruntled Fiat driver: FIASCO
Corvette: 02 BE ME

Interests:

Cat lover: MEEOOWW
The golfer: IN2GOLF
Star Wars: JEDI IAM

Fall Harvest – The Race is On

Alberta has 21 million hectares (52 million acres) of agriculture land that is used for farming and ranching. Wheat, barley, canola, oats, rye, dry peas, lentils, flax, dry beans and potatoes are the primary crops.

An Alberta Harvestpast and present.

Alberta Irricana Pioneer Acres

Irricana’s Pioneer Acres hosts an annual Farm Days which features working demonstrations of  the farm equipment that would have been used by our grandfathers and great grandfathers. This photo shows a wagon, a stationary thresher machine (which separates the grain from the straw and chaff) and a grain truck. The thresher is powered by a tractor (not shown).

Today, harvesting is done by self propelled Combines that cut the crop and threshes it. The combine doesn’t even have to stop moving to transfer the grain to trucks.Alberta Canada

This is one of three combines that harvested the quarter section behind our place yesterday afternoon. It was a dusty day for everyone within a mile of the action (but probably not for the driver!)

Farming has always been a risky business and that is no less true today than it was in the past. In terms of absolute number of fatalities, farming is the most dangerous occupation in Canada.

Safety in his business means getting the word “hurry” out of everyone’s vocabulary. I’ve never seen a crop that didn’t get taken off the field. But I’ve sure seen cases where we had to bury someone when there was still a crop in the field.
– Brent Lee Johnson –

I ran the photo of the combine through Topaz Studio. The first photo is my favourite!

What crops are grown in your part of the world? 

Ghost – Sticks and Car Shows

gHost and sTick

my name is gHosT.    i am this blogger’s grand-doggie.   i’m still a puppy.   a really big puppy.
the two-leggers take me to car shows.   when we aren’t looking at cars.   they tie me to the bumper.   of their mustang.   then they give me a stick.

i chew the stick.   while I think about pulling the bumper.   right off the car.   i think I could do that.   if I really wanted to.

it is one thing to think i could do it.   it is another thing to think what what would happen.   if I did do it… treats and tummy rubs.   might be in short supply.   for a while.

last week I forgot.   i was attached to the smaller of the two-leggers.   i pulled on the leash too hard.   the two-legger tipped turtle.   she scraped her knee.   no treats and tummy rubs.   for the rest of the morning.

when I’m older.   maybe the scent of a rabbit won’t make me forget.   what i’m supposed to do.   maybe i will have control over what my nose.   tells me to do.

I used to look at Smokey and think, “If you were a little smarter you could tell me what you were thinking,” and he’d look at me like he was saying, “If you were a little smarter, I wouldn’t have to.”
– Fred Jungclaus –