If Bible Characters had iPhones – Trey Kennedy (Video)

Imagined conversations about some of the major stories of the bible – if there had been cell phones:

Here are a few of the funniest bits:

“Aaww, Abraham and Isaac are on a little father son trip! What could go wrong”

“If NOAH Instagrams one more time about his DIY project…I’m done.”

“Jesus is coming – just order two fish and five loaves of bread.”

“Jonah went deep sea fishing a few day’s ago, have you heard from him?”

The actors in this video are Trey Kennedy (an American comedian and musician known for his YouTube and TikTok videos) and John Crist (a fast-rising stand-up comedian who also does videos.)

Apples and Blackberries – My Blackberry is Not Working (Video)

Life was so much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits!
– Author Unknown –

Now-a-days 12 year olds have a blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, and a Facebook profile. When I was 12, I felt Cool with my New Gel Pen.
– Author Unknown –

The QuipperyI didn’t really mean to publish this post at this time. I had it ‘Scheduled’ and forgot to unschedule it.

Bad news came in triplicate this week – not really the time to post something like this. Then again, maybe it is the best time. I watched it again this morning – for maybe the tenth time ever, and it  made me smile…

Communications History – The Telephone

The Car Guy took a consulting job this past January. It was supposed to take only a few months of full time work, but that was not to be. Seven months in, and there is no end in sight. He is more than ready to retire again. It isn’t that he doesn’t like the project, or the challenge. What is really getting him down is how hard it is to get away from the job after work hours now that he has a company issued Blackberry phone.

Communications have changed considerably since he embarked on his career in the 1970’s. When he first started working, he spent much of his time in remote locations. At that time, reports were hand printed on a form, then voice relayed to the head office by mobile radio. Land lines came later, and with them came the addition of a fax machine which enabled information to be sent back and forth much faster.

black push buttonThe phones in use at that time had rotary dials, but by the 1980’s most businesses and homes had moved up to the push button phone. (The one in this photo lives here at the Red House, and has been in service for about 40 years.)

With the advent of Computers, then the Internet and Cell Phones, communication speed increased. Messaging became instant and some would say more and more invasive. The demarcation line between home and office blurred, then disappeared.

When The Car Guy retired, this line had not yet been crossed. But today, he is subjected to the never ending nagging presence of mail on his Blackberry. The expectations of his co-workers, and the job, never end. Not only that, but everyday communication with family and friends is reaching the same level of immediacy. One of my children has suggested that I buy a smart phone, and learn how to text message. “Just think,” she said, “You would be able to get text messages from us even while you are at the cabin!” (We don’t have a phone there, nor voice cell phone coverage unless we walk about 1/2 a mile and sit by the dumpsters…)

But I kind of like the idea that the cabin is part of a time warp zone of silence. It takes me back to the days when The Car Guy would phone me after 2 weeks of silence to say, “I’m coming home tomorrow. Pick me up at the airport, okay?” The days where we lived for weeks at a time by Marriage Rule #1 – No News is Good News!

How to Improve Your Cell Phone Manual

170-cell-phone2A 91 year old Moncton New Brunswick man by the name of George Williams owns two computers, an iPhone, and a new BlackBerry Playbook. “It’s always been a challenge to me,” he says “to sit down with the owner’s manuals to figure them out.”

The Owners Manuals – some people read them, and some people don’t. Even the best manuals can be a challenge to decipher. Several years ago I bought a simple Unsmart Phone. It came with a 37 page manual of tiny print that was best read with a magnifying glass. The first 11 pages were filled with preliminaries, including the advice “do not use the phone when blasting is in progress”. It also suggested that the phone should be used in “normal position” and “not to touch the antenna unnecessarily.” There were health cautions too. The handy little Scroll Key could be hazardous because it “may contain nickel.” And if it does, it “should not come into prolonged contact with the skin.”

I wasn’t aware of how dangerous these little devices could be, and that was before I had even turned it on and exposed myself to the so called effects of radiation! Turn it on – yes, that was next. I suppose I should have known that the button with the red phone on it was the on/off key. But red symbols usually indicate caution or danger, so I went back to the manual for confirmation. I finally found it on Page 11. The Red Phone button was the “End key and power key.” The Green button, which I had optimistically thought was the on key, was the “Send key.” Okay, good to go!

On Page 13 I learned how to Make a Call. That took a whole paragraph, and included directions about how to enter numbers, how to initiate the call, and how to end the call. I pretty much knew that already, but it was nice of the manual to include that information.

Text Messaging, which I didn’t have a clue how to do, was considerably briefer: “Select Menu – Messaging – Create Message – Text Message.” Then there were brief instructions on how to turn on Predictive Text, how to add a space and how to add a number. That was it for instructions. I tried to text The Car Guy (who was on a business trip in Aberdeen). It took me several hours to figure out how to do it. His phone didn’t get a text, just a message that I had called. By then it was late at night his time, and he got worried that I had called him, so he phoned me…  I crossed Texting off the list of things I would use this phone for.

The User Guide got shoved into the filing cabinet and I got out a pen and a piece of paper and wrote my own little manual. It is about 1.5 by 3 inches, and has 6 handwritten pages. It tells me everything I will ever need to know about my phone should I need a refresher course. I keep it in my purse, right next to my address book and a small pad of paper and a pen. I jokingly refer to this little cache of items as my PDA!

How to make Cell Phones Safer

My Spousal Unit took the Harley into the city yesterday. He returned unscathed, but a bit shaken. A young women nearly drove him off the road. She was so busy on her cell phone, that she didn’t even see him as she changed lanes. Fortunately my husband saw her heading for him, so he sped up and moved over as far as he could go. But with another car in front of him, and a high curb on his right, he could only go so far.

Fortunately his evasive actions were enough. He was philosophical about the dangers of riding a motorcycle – “It wouldn’t have mattered whether I was in a car or on the bike – she just didn’t look where she was going. The problem wasn’t what I was driving. The problem was that she was driving AND talking. Clearly she can’t do both at the same time.”

So, as I see it, the biggest danger of using a cell phone is that it causes accidents. Of course, there are suggestions that cell phone overuse can increase the risk of some types of tumours in the head, but I don’t really care what kind of damage a cell phone does to the user. I do care about what that persons cell phone use might do to me or my family. Running into any of us with their car while chatting on the phone is something that would really make me angry. And as my kids have pointed out, an angry mom is not a good thing.

Now, many people are calling on the Government to make laws banning the use of cell phones while driving. But I don’t think that is the whole answer. Laws are only as good as the enforcement that goes with it, and on a day to day basis, the police don’t have time to respond to every complaint involving distracted drivers.

No, I think the monitoring of cell phone use should come from within the cell phone itself. Phones these days are pretty smart. So why can’t they just quit working when they sense they are in a moving vehicle? I watched a show the other day about a cell phone application that can sense the difference between how people walk. The owner can use the app to train the phone to recognize how they walk. If the person’s phone gets stolen, then the app recognizes that the thieves walking gait is wrong, so the app locks up the phone before the thief can use it. So how hard would it be for cell phone manufacturers to build phones that refuse to work in a moving vehicle?

Here are some other things I think Cell Phones should be able to do:

  • They should be able to sense how close they are to the phone that they are being asked to call. If the distance is less than a certain distance, let’s say half a mile, then the phone would simply refuse to dial. It would then display a digital message  that said, “Get off your lazy butt and walk over to _____’s house and talk to them in person.” (The phone would fill in the blank, because the phone is pretty smart.)
  • All phones would have built-in GPS technology. The phone would know exactly where it was, and would refuse to work if it was in places like Theatres, Concert Halls, Doctors Offices, and my living room while you were visiting me.
  • The cell phone would remember exactly where you parked your car at the shopping centre, sports stadium or gigantic amusement park. You wouldn’t even have to tell the phone that it should remember that for you. The phone would just do it, because it knows you are going to forget.

The QuipperyPersonally, I don’t much like cell phones. I only turn mine on when I want to call someone, and that isn’t very often. And I’m not into text messaging. My Spousal Unit and I tried to text one another just once, and decided it probably wasn’t for us. Part of the problem was that he was in Scotland, and I was in Canada. He started off by sending me a text message, then had to phone me to tell me to turn my phone on so I could read the message. By the time I had figured out how to respond to his text message with my text message, several hours had gone by. So he got my text message well after he had gone to bed, but it woke him up, because he leaves his phone on. That was the last time we “texted”.

Cell phones keep getting more and more complicated. I was happy when all they did was let you phone someone, or answer a call. But they do a whole lot more stuff now. Unfortunately the people who write the manuals to tell you how to use the features haven’t gotten any better at writing manuals. English isn’t their first, second or even third language, it seems.

So, I carry around a basic, no frills cell phone on the off chance that someday I will be stuck in a snowstorm somewhere without food, water or shelter, and need to be rescued. I hope I do that someplace where I have cell phone coverage…