Walter the Cat and Other Cat and Dog Tales

Walter the Cat – Almost Makes You Want to buy a Chevy…

If the Dog Could Talk

Dog: WAT DOING?
Me: Nothing. I just stood up.
Dog: WHERE GO?
Me: I’m walking 3 feet away. I’m not even leaving the room.
Dog: I COME.
Me: But, I’m just going…
Dog: I COME TOO.
Dog: WAT DOING?
Me: I need to open this door.
Dog: I HALP.
Me: Then move because you are right in front of the door.
Dog: WHERE GO?
Me: I am going back to sit where I was a few seconds ago.
Dog: I COME TOO…
– Author Unknown –

Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
– Ann Landers –

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult
– Rita Rudner –

Previous Cat and Dog Posts
It’s a Dog’s Life
Dog Quotations
Cats with Yarn
If the Animals Could Talk
Talk to the Animals
Cat Quotations

American Thanksgiving – 2021

May your life be full of both Thanks and Giving!

I’d like to thank Ray at Mitigating Chaos for posting this ‘traditional’ American Thanksgiving video on his blog.  I’d never seen it before (maybe because I am Canadian…) but I enjoyed the story so much that I wanted to share it with others.

The song/story is folk singer Arlo Guthrie’s  mostly true recollection of events that began at Alice’s Restaurant in 1965.

‘Alice’s Restaurant Massacree’ was originally released in 1967. It is only a bit about Thanksgiving, Alice, or her restaurant. It’s more about the favor they did for Alice – driving her trash out to the dump, only to find that the dump was closed for Thanksgiving.

We’d never heard of a dump closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes, we drove off into the sunset lookin’ for another place to put the garbage.
We didn’t find one till we came to a side road, and off the side of the side road was another fifteen-foot cliff, and at the bottom of the cliff was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile was better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up, we decided to throw ours down…

You will have to watch the whole video to see how trash led to an arrest which led to… well, just watch it!

Andrew Cotter – Olive, Mabel and Penguins – Mirthy Monday (Videos)

Andrew Cotter began his career at Scot FM in Edinburgh before moving into sports commentary for BBC radio and TV. When sporting events were cancelled due to Covid-19 he began posting videos of his labradors, Olive, eight, and Mabel, four, on Twitter and YouTube.

Andrew Cotter narrates the nightly walk of the fairy penguins of Victoria’s Phillip Island as a high-stakes, long-distance race.

Andrew Cotters Olive and Mabel; Jeanne Robertson (Videos)

First Date

Jeanne Robertson was a professional speaker who specialized in down home humor. In this video she speaks, as she often does, about  her husband, Jerry, who she lovingly called ‘Left Brain’ (Jerry is the man in the green sweater). Jeanne and Jerry died within months of each other in 2021, but Jeanne’s special brand of humour lives on in her many videos.

Do you remember your first date at a Drive Through Hamburger place? Did it feature the accidental escape of ketchup from one of those little ketchup packages, such that there was more ketchup on the girl’s good white blouse than on the guy’s french fries?

It Has to be 9PM Somewhere:

When I was a kid, getting put to bed at 9 PM, I couldn’t wait until I was a grown-up and could stay up until whatever time I wanted. That time is, apparently, 9 PM.
– Author Unknown –

The recent referendum in our Province (that asked if we wanted to stop changing our clocks twice a year) was 49.8% for and 51.2% against. I am disappointed, though not surprised that half of the people wanted that ‘extra’ hour of light at the beginning of the day and the other half at the end of the day. On the positive side, when the clocks change again in early November, most of the clocks in my clock collection will be on time again.

An Idea for Christmas – Borrow the Neighbours Kid for your Family Christmas Photo:

Get your relatives speaking to one another again by sending a heartfelt Christmas card with a picture of your family with an extra child nobody knows.
– Author Unknown –

Beep Beep! Has PETA ruled on Cruelty to Cartoon Coyotes?

PETA is asking Major League Baseball to stop using the term “bullpen” to describe the area where pitchers warm up and instead use the term “arm barn.” The nonprofit organization argued that saying “bullpen” is insensitive to cows in a news release on Thursday.
– Sports Washington –

I’d Watch the News if This Happened:

If liar’s pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.
– fb/New and Interesting –

Tree Hugging When Lumber Prices are Off the Charts:

Another Dog Tail from Olive and Mabel

A Motorcycle Joke

If my name was David and I had a boy, I would have to name him Harley. That way, he could introduce himself “I’m Harley, David’s son.”
– Dad Jokes –

Canadian Thanksgiving – Tradition Ideas (Video)

It’s Canadian Thanksgiving! Happy Eat Until you are Stuffed Day!

Does your family have any interesting Thanksgiving Traditions? How about treasured recipes that your family always serves?

Here are a few non-traditional ideas that you might want to try next year!

We stuff our Thanksgiving bird with cereal—sometimes sugary, sometimes silly, not usually healthy but one year it was Grape Nuts.
– Author Unknown –

Speaking of stuffing – how about a Rice Krispies/Marshmallow turkey with smarties stuffing for dessert!?

When I was a kid, my aunt gave every one of the cousins a little chocolate turkey as we wrapped up the evening. We all assumed it would stop when we grew up, and yet there are still around 15 tiny chocolate turkeys circulating through the house every year. We’ve taken to hiding them in each other’s bags so she doesn’t know we aren’t eating them anymore. Pretty sure one of my cousins unknowingly went home with about 8 of them in 2016.
-Author Unknown –

This would be the ultimate way to ‘baste’ a turducken! (A turducken is a deboned chicken stuffed into a deboned duck which is then stuffed into a deboned turkey).

Here is a video for a Mini Turducken wrapped in Bacon.

Start the day off on a sweet note by serving your traditional Thanksgiving pies for breakfast with coffee instead of after the big meal. That way, you won’t be too full to indulge in dessert.
– Good Housekeeping Home –

Bowling with Turkeys – Forget bowling balls and bowl with a frozen turkey this Thanksgiving using soda or water bottles as makeshift pins. This hilarious tradition started in 1988 at Lucky’s grocery shop in Newport Beach, where the bowling took place in the alleys of the store.
– Culture Trip –

There are many ways to cook carrots, but at Thanksgiving they are best if they are in a carrot cake with cream cheese icing!

Host a potluck dinner… asking everyone to bring a dish to pass can create a more diverse, exciting spread. It also lessens the load on the host.
– Good Housekeeping Home –

More about the Holiday and the Bird:

Thanksgiving and Turkey Quotations

Our Canadian Thanksgiving – 2018

Some ‘Groaners’ and a Bear (Video)

First up,  ‘Groaner’ Jokes – some as punny as they are funny

A couple of lads grew up together in a large city Greek neighborhood. They were good friends whose names were Euripides and Eumenides. They parted ways when they grew up. Euripides become a rich and famous celebrity while Eumenides took over his aging father’s tailor shop.

Many years went by and one day a limousine pulled up in front of the tailor shop. A man got out with a pair of torn trousers and entered. The tailor looked up from his work and saw who it was and shouted, “Euripides? Euripides?” To which the man replied, “Yeah, yeah, yeah… Eumenides?”

– Sidebar: This joke has apparently been around for awhile, though isn’t as old as Euripides (480 – 406BC) (sounds like “You-rip-a-these”) who was a great Athenian playwright. Eumenides, “You-mend-a-these”, is the third part of a tragedy by Aeschylus. I ‘borrowed’ this joke from The Haps with Herb and edited it slightly. –

What does an insomniac ­agnostic dyslexic spend most of his time doing? Stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

A local monastery was going bankrupt. The abbot didn’t know what to do. The brothers had a meeting, and decided to open a great Olde English Fish-N’-Chips stand. One day, a man knocked on the door. After one of the brothers answered the door, the man asked, “May I have just an order of fries?”
The brother said, “Hold on a moment. I’m the fish friar. You want the chip monk.”

There are many stories related to the sinking of the “Titanic”. Some come to light due to the success of the movie. For example, most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The “Titanic” was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today.
It is known, of course, as: Sinko de Mayo

Back in the 1800’s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California.
This, of course, is the origin of the expression; ‘He who has a Tates is lost!’

I will undoubtedly be borrowing more content from this page for future posts: Groaners.

Some of the other puns I have collected are at the bottom of this post. Click the link for Pun.

There is More Than One Way to Get What you Want

An elderly lady handed her bank card to the bank teller and said “I would like to withdraw $10”. The teller told her “for withdrawals less than $100, please use the ATM”. When the lady asked why, the teller told her it was bank policy.
The lady remained silent for a few seconds and handed her card back to the teller and said “please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when he checked the account balance and replied: “you have $300,000 in your account but the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back again tomorrow?”
The lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her any amount over $100 and up to $3000. “Well please let me have $3000 now.” The teller did as he was asked.
The elder put $10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account…
This is called ‘adapting to adversity’.
– Author Unknown –

What was the Bear Thinking?

Cricket is a game that gives ‘not very spiritual people’ some idea of what eternity is.
– Author Unknown –

Fastest Guys Around

DoodleChaos – Line Rider Race (Video)

DoodleChaos artist, Mark Robbins, draws with Line Rider, an online application that allows you to make videos by drawing lines on which, Bosh, a little person on a sleigh, slides along the path you draw. In this video, he synchronized the William Tell Overture (by Rossini) to 8 Line Riders racing down the track to victory.

If you want to experience just how difficult and time consuming it was to make this video, go to the Line Rider site (click play to start) and try drawing a few lines! See if you can keep the little sledder from crashing!

I tried it:

This is the track I drew (after a lot of tries…)
And this is what happened to the Line Rider as he attempted that last climb…

Crash…

The William Tell Overture was composed by the Italian composer Gioachino Rossini. The opera premiered in 1829.

The music has been used many times in popular media. It as the theme song for ‘The Lone Ranger’; Walt Disney’s Mickey Mouse cartoon ‘The Band Concert’; a Flintstones episode “The Hot Piano”; advertising for ‘Reebok’ and ‘Honda Civic’ and the movie ‘A Clockwork Orange’.

If Bible Characters had iPhones – Trey Kennedy (Video)

Imagined conversations about some of the major stories of the bible – if there had been cell phones:

Here are a few of the funniest bits:

“Aaww, Abraham and Isaac are on a little father son trip! What could go wrong”

“If NOAH Instagrams one more time about his DIY project…I’m done.”

“Jesus is coming – just order two fish and five loaves of bread.”

“Jonah went deep sea fishing a few day’s ago, have you heard from him?”

The actors in this video are Trey Kennedy (an American comedian and musician known for his YouTube and TikTok videos) and John Crist (a fast-rising stand-up comedian who also does videos.)

Stop Motion Clay Animation (Video)

The Quippery

Gumby is an American clay animation about a green clay human like character created and modeled by Art Clokey.

A History Lesson on Stop Motion Animation

A Funny but slightly Gruesome Clay Animation – Great Song Though!

The song is Cinderella Rockefella. It was written by Mason Williams and Nancy Ames and was originally recorded and released by Israeli folk duo Esther and Abi Ofarim on their 1967 album ‘2 in 3’.